Friday, December 29, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sometimes, ok often, I forget how powerful prayer can be. We all know that many times God is answering, but it isn't the answer we want quite often. But when what you have been praying for actually happens.....it's nothing short of amazing. I have been praying for my mom & brother for years. I really started praying hard for my brother in college. I have always prayed for my mom, but more so in recent years. Back in college, Brook was nearing the bottom of the rock. Ok, so he found the rock at the bottom! My brother has really work his way up from there. He is almost finished with an Engineering Degree from the School of Mines. He will graduate this Spring!! We were afraid he would never go to college, but thank God, he did! Brook has accepted a job in Boise, Idaho!!! He also gets married to a great girl, Allison in June! I am so proud of my baby brother, he really has come along way. As for my mom, sometimes I think that my mom believes that she isn't suppose to receive good things. She has had a lot of disappointments in life, and it seems to me that she more likely than not passes on her dreams. In recent years, I have seen my mom change towards a more positive outlook. She has been allowing herself to be happy in her own life. This past year, my mom bought a new horse, Mudd. He is beautiful and so sweet. unfortunately, because of some family issues, she was unable to keep Mudd at our Grandparents. So, mom had to drive in opposite directions to take care of her two horses. This was taking a tole to say the least. Mom started to dream more & more about finding her own property big enough for a house & a barn to keep her horses on. She really wants to be self sufficient in this way. For quite awhile, she looked at properties and did fall in love with a few places. She came to realize, however, that it was going to be more difficult to afford her dream. At a certain point, she did give up on it. Through this whole time, I kept encouraging her, and told her that I would pray about it. Those of you who know me well, know how hard it is for me to even say that to people, say anything spiritual. But, I am trying. Mom is respectful of my spiritual views, but does not believe God has good things for her. This is my perception, just to be clear. Anyway, I told mom that I believed that something good was going to happen whether that means that she is suppose to buy her property or something else was going to happen, and that I would keep praying. I encouraged her to not give up, but I didn't know what she would do after this conversation. Well, she called me this week with some news. She made a bid for a property & it was accepted!!!! Now, it isn't perfect. Mom had to re-evaluate what she was looking for. She settled on 6 acres of land with a run down trailer & a shed. Clearly it is going to take some work, but mom's got it all worked out. Her plan is to put a barn on the property and fix the fencing. Also to fix up the trailer to make it livable before she sells her house and moves in. Then she is going to sell the trailer as she is building her house. She has it all worked out, and I think she is very smart about it all! The power of prayer!!!!!!!
Friday, November 10, 2006
|You Are An ISFJ|
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Not a great pic of me, I don't have very many pictures of myself! Oh well, I'll get over it. I have been putting off writing about this subject cuz I feel like such a baby when I talk about this. Mostly because I know I have a good life. But unfortunatley this is something that I deal with on a daily basis. I am pretty much the only single person I know anymore. And truth be known, I hate it. I feel like I am on the outside looking in all the time. I can't participate in many conversations with my friends because I don't have anything to contribute to the subject matter. This is my worst fear come true over and over again. I can be alone, I have done it for a long time, but I have NEVER wanted to be alone. My best friends know where this comes from. I see the big picture as fars at what God wants for me, but I still don't appreciate it. Why does it have to be me that has to learn the "joys" of learning how to stand on my own two feet. Why can't I belong to a team like so many of my friends. Why is it that I have to go through life all on my own when all my friends have someone to go through life with. Someone to grow spiritually with. Someone to lean on, to cry with, to laugh with. Now I know that relationships are hard and it is no fairy tale. I also know I am suppose to learn to be happy on my own, that God wants me to lean on him right now. I get that, but I don't have to like it. I feel so isolated much of the time. My friends have families or boyfriends that come first, and I feel like I have to wait around sometimes for people to want to hang out with me. I sit at home way to often because everyone is busy living their lives. I don't have any single friends, so what I go out by myself? I'm sorry but I would rather stay home than do that. I am not a dine-out-alone type of girl. I don't go to movies by myself either, Can't do it. I know how pathetic this all sounds, and I am not looking for sympathy. I just need to get it out once in awhile. Most of the time I am ok with my situation, but it does get the best of me sometimes. I hate that my friends sometimes feel sorry for me, so when we do go out they feel the need to push me onto guys. They don't even know how obvious they are. I feel embarrassed that I can't get a guy on my own apparently, and when things like this happens I just feel like a loser. I know that my friends love me & they want me to be happy, but this doesn't help. I just hate being left behind, and that is truthfully how I feel quite often. Wow, I guess I let the flood gates open here. Sorry, don't mean to bum anyone out here. I just get so angry sometimes that I have to be the only one alone. That is how I feel. I know everyone feels alone at times even when they are married, I know that. I just...... I guess I don't know what else to say. I'm frustrated that's all. I want to walk through life with someone who is truly meant for me. I don't want to sit at the kids table anymore. I don't want to be on the outside looking in.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Here you have the Bronco Groupies out for a Sunday Game & ready to stomp the Raiders! We tailgated all afternoon, got our drink on & devoured hamburgers! We had a blast. The game started at 6:15pm. We got home at around midnight. I was up the next day at 5am!! I was giving my first all day training for other District professionals with my boss. I could NOT be late & I had to be good! I pulled it off, but man was I tired!! Needless to say, was not making it into the office the next day. But this day, Tuesday would prove to be more than a little bizzare. It started out easy enough, a little sleeping in, a little TV watching. In the PM, I decided to venture out & take Millie to the vet to get her shots. When I got there, however, not only did Millie throw up in the car, the shot clinic is closed due to an emergency surgery. So, I decided to clean up the puke & go to target. I had a great time in target, but when I came out it was snowing & raining like no other! At first I was excited because this would be the first time driving the new truck in a storm. I realized though, I needed gas. So, I turned into a gas station only to change my mind, thinking I could make it to Safeway to get my discount. So off I went. I got about a half mile away, driving up a hill, when I ran out of gas!! So. I had two dogs in the back of my new SUV, one very agitated, and now I was stranded next to the median with a ton of fast moving cars around me. I called a friend, but she didn't have her car there!! next thing I knew, a cop stopped & drove me to the gas station. So, I got my dogs home, but Millie had thrown up again. Poor doggy!! I put the dogs in the back yard so I could clean up the puke again. When I was about done, I heard one of my dogs whimpering. When I checked, there layed a dead squirrel at Millies feet, and Rooby was cowaring by the door. I when out to scoop up the squirrel which had obviously just died, but had no bite marks. Then I let the dogs in & wiped their paws. right away I realized that Rooby was limping and bleeding! I couldn't figure out what had happened. I certainly had not heard dogs fighting. Then when I was cleaning Millie's paws I noticed a curious drop of blood. So, it doesn't take a genious to figure out what happened, Millie was protecting her kill. Doesn't she know she doesn't have to kill her food anymore?:) Anyway, I was thinking about the day & wondering what else could possibly happen! Well, my request was granted. That night it kept snowing pretty hard. I was really worried about my backyard tree which was leaning down on my power lines. Rooby was too scared to go outside even. Before I knew it, I heard a crash outside in the front yard. When I looked there was a gigantic tree branch dangling straight down on the ground. It was on the ground, but still hanging there. I was really upset, because I had been researching tree trimming companies to get it trimmed. We weren't even suppose to get this big storm!! I literally was calling the company I picked the next day, that was my plan! It took a week for them to make it out to my house, but we got it all cleared up. The tree looks really bad right now, but they tell me it will regain a nice shape again. Oh well! Work was crazy all week. I encountered a major conflict with one of my staff who actually walked off the job! STRESS! Then I completed the second day of training on Friday, all day. This weekend was Girl's Night. Somehow, I thought I was back in college & downed half yard beers like water!! Needless to say, there is a headache involved right now. But a good close to a very long week. I leave you all with a pic of one of my boyfriends from the Bronco Game. Enjoy!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Well, I wanted to tell the story of my house this time around. It's a much longer story than you would imagine, and different than you would imagine. It's not the typical story about girl wanting to buy a house. Girl finds realitor, girl searches house adds, girl finds house, and girl signs life away to buy house. No, it's a little more complicated than that. I haven't told that many people my story of how I got here for fear that I would be judged. I don't like being judged. I don't like the possibility of a negative spot light on me. So, because of that, I keep my faith mostly to myself. I am hoping that through this blog, I will be able to risk more. It's a start. Anyway, my story. A couple of years ago, everything was all wrong, only I didn't know it. I was living in Denver, I had what I thought was a good job. I had a boyfriend whom I thought loved me. And I had two cats. I was basically living my life for myself, and practically living with my boyfriend by default. I was suppose to be living in my friend's basement, but it flooded, so I stayed at his house. At first, with him I felt a strong pull to bring him to church. We found a great church that friends of ours were going to. It was great at first because I felt us getting closer and him getting to know God. But it didn't last long. Seemed to me that one minute we were connecting through God, then the next we were being pulled apart. A couple of factors came about. First, he had to work in California for awhile through his job. So, he was gone a lot. Then there was talk about him possibly being transferred to LA. All scary for me. Things with us were always up in the air, and I felt him pulling away. Then, I had to move my cats into a basement bedroom at his house. He was not a cat lover, so it was tence from the start. He would not allow the cats to be anywhere else in the house but that room. Consequently, they made messes in there. I cleaned it all up and was finally able to move them to my friends basement where I was suppose to live, but things had drastically changed. Long story short, we broke up a couple of times before breaking up for good. I couldn't understand at all. I thought God was bringing my boyfriend & I closer to each other and to him. What was happening??!!! That was the first major loss. Next came the cats. I adopted the dog that my ex-boyfriend & I had shared. The cats were aweful to be around. They would attach Rooby, and then one day Sissy attacked both Rooby & I. I had to make a very hard decision for me. I had to get rid of Sissy. Those of you who know me really well, know how gut wrenching that was for me. I gave her away, and when I did that Jada went bazzerk. She was doing things in the house that was not ok since I was renting from my friend who owned the house. That was the next big decision. I couldn't believe it, I hated myself so much. I cried for months after I gave her away. I felt like I gave up on them. So, here I was pretty low. I lost my boyfriend & my cats. Through all this I was going to church by myself every Sunday. Church was therapy for me, I think I cried every Sunday. Then the third big loss happened. I lost my job. I couldn't believe it! Granted, my boss had it out for me from day one, and she and other co-workers wanted to see me fail. But I was finally making enough money to not only live on but to have some fun with! How could this all be happening to me in such a short time frame? I didn't know what I was going to do. I had just moved to a cute cottage two months earlier, signed a lease & everything. I was devastated...again. All I did for a long while is cry & pray. I prayed like I never prayed before. I knew this was about trust. Trusting God to take care of me despite the circumstances. Most of you know that I do not trust easily. Not anyone. For the first time, I really felt God leading me towards something, I just wasn't quite sure to where. When I was offered two jobs, one in Denver & one in the Springs, I knew which one God wanted me to take. But if I chose that one, that would mean moving!! He can't be serious! Plus, it was a very hard job filled with more responsibility than I have ever had before. But somehow I knew it was the job in the Springs as a Coordinator back at my old agency I left as a teacher three years ago. I was going to supervise teachers, weird! It wasn't so easy, moving. I have to find the money, a new place to live, & break a lease. The breaking of the lease was not going to prove that easy. My landlord gave me a very hard time. And, I felt horrible. But, now here I was moving back to Colorado Springs, starting a new job, a renewed sense of faith, my dog, and new place to live. Well, you would think that the story would end there, but my friend, God doesn't always work that way. No, before I could get use to living in a new place, with a dog instead of cats, and a new job I never thought worthy of. No, he had to get me to take the leap and buy a house! Me! Seriously, I always thought I would be married before I bought a house. I NEVER wanted to do this alone. I didn't think it was possible to do this alone. But, that's what God is teaching me about trust. That I can do this, but not alone, with him. So, here I am living in my modest but full of potential home, with my two dogs, and even a new car! Yikes. I won't lie, sometimes I think God is nuts, and I have several moments that I just know I can't pull this off. Then God reminds me of where I am now, and who put me here. I guess this would be my testimony. I always wondered if I would ever have a testimony. Well, here it is.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
It makes me very sad about this world we live in sometimes. Today, I was called out to a classroom, one of my preschool classrooms on Ft. Carson Army Base. When I walked in and found the classroom in slight chaos with children pushing and not listening to the teachers. The lead teacher had sat a child down by himself for a Time Away. She was standing over him telling him that he couldn't come back until he was ready to behave. Her words were intense, so controlled. I knew she was near losing it. When she saw me walk in, she looked at me and said she is about to give her two weeks noticed. When I looked at her teacher assistant, she looked just as strained and tired as the teacher did. I had been called by a parent concerned about what her child was learning in school. Kids were biting, hitting, and expressing themselves with words they shouldn't know yet. Some of the kids were even flipping the teachers off! Preschoolers!! I stayed and wrote some observations and talked to teachers and some parents. I was mostly distressed at how quick to judge everyone was at that point. The teachers both talked about quitting and wanted to have the parents pick their children up when they act up and take them home, short of being expelled, which is what they would really like to do. The lead teacher told me that the school actually expelled 3 kindergarteners recently for bad behavior. She also talked about how parents don't "parent" anymore & kids are not ready to be in school when they aren't ready to follow rules and listen, not to mention the kids who came in not even potty trained at 3 years old. Then there is the parents, who want all the neg. behaviors to stop immediately, and if it all didn't stop right now they were going to pull their kids out. Even though I explained to one parent that it is the beginning of the year kids, especially really young ones, need time to learn how to be social with others, follow rules, learn how to get along & be safe. I also had told this mom that even though I knew the teachers were working on it, I would go out and observe that week to see if I could support the team more. I stressed that I didn't have any quick fixes, that it would take time to get the behaviors under control. I asked her for that time, and suggested that she and some of the other parents could try and volunteer when they can to help support the teachers. She said she would. The next day, yesterday, that parent did volunteer, then pulled her child out of the program at the end of the day. She did not return today. I have parents blaming teachers & teachers blaming parents, and no one will let me even begin to help. It scares me that things can be this way in preschool. It all starts here, the gateway to the school system. All I can do is pray, and hope that God will work through me in someway. Even on this frustrating day. Then there was the News Report, and I am sad........I really don't know what else to say today. Hopefully I will have a better grasp on all this tomorrow. Hug your kids, girls. You all are amazing mothers and have great kids!! A lot of the kids in this particular classroom has a parent Deployed. Other classrooms face other factors. Ok, enough. I need to just go to bed.
PS: Please disregard words spelled wrong. The Spell Check doesn't seem to work on this.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Last weekend my two best friends in the whole world were here to hang out! It has been a long time coming that we three get together just us to just be. It was much needed for me! It was also very important that they get to see my first house purchase. All three of us have been through everything together. It is so amazing to be able to see how far the three of us have each come in our lives! God has truly blessed us all in different but remarkable ways. In the picture above, we hiked the Incline a long side Pike's Peak. No easy feat I tell ya, at least for me! My friend, Yvonne, from work is with us along with Rooby & Millie. Here we are taking a much needed break. Of course, Carey & Karen kicked Yvonne & my butts! They got to rest a lot waiting for us to catch up!! We had a great time getting a really good work out in the process. I am going to try & down load a pic to show how straight up this hike is: and this doesn't do it justice at all! It was a great time. At the top, Karen took the opportunity to pray for someone she knows while the rest of us reveled in the natural beauty around us. It always amazes me that so much time can pass before any of us talks to each other let alone see each other, but it is always as if we are together everyday. I love that God put me together with such amazing friends for life! The rest of the weekend fun consisted of shopping, laughing, eating, a really bad movie, and much talking about our lives. It meant so much to me that my friends recognize the changes in me & how much it means to me to be able to have bought my own house by myself. It was fun to look back at our more wild times & laugh, but more to marvel at how far we have come as people. Ok, I am blubbering a lot here...I'll stop! Anyway, thanks Carey & Karen for coming to see me & for always being there for me! As I am there for both of you!!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Thanks Carey, DeAnn & Jenny for your comments! I'm glad that you all checked out my new blog. This is fun!!
Well, tonight I am going to introduce my pooches to everyone. First, there's my first child...I mean dog, Rooby. You see Rooby here to the right balancing a piece yarn on her nose while fixating on a cat near by...my mom's cat! Rooby came to me at two months old from The Dumb Friends Society, another name for Humane Society, in Denver CO. She was a cute pudge of fur with some obvious spunk. She is a Norwegiene Elkhound Mix. Rooby & I connected immediately, but we had much to learn together. Rooby was my first dog ever! I have always been a cat person, which most people close to me know. Rooby changed my world into a dog world! I woke up with her every few hours when she was a puppy to take her out to go potty until her bladder grew stronger. You moms out there, stop laughing at me!:) Much of this made me feel like most of you felt with your babies, somewhat. I know it is not nearly the same, but it did give me a small sense of what it must feel like to be a mommy. I took Rooby to Obedience School, where she graduated at the bottom of her class! Seriously! She was way more interested in all the other puppies in her class. I think the class was more for me than her really. I really had no idea how to train a dog. Cats are much easier in this respect. Through these last three years, Rooby continues to teach me a lot about patience, and keeps me outside. Ok, enough about Rooby!
And now there's Millie. Millie came to me in a very different way. One day last May, I received a mass email at work from one of our teachers, Debbie. She was reaching out to our agency in a campaine to save Millie & her puppies. Millie was an abandoned dog, who for the past 2 years had burrowed herself under her former owner's trailer for shelter out in Ellicott, which is pretty much a desolate area. As a puppy, Millie was named Pesters because she use to pester her owners to pay attention to her. I hate the name Pesters, so I changed her name right away. When, Millie was 6 months old, her owner kicked her outside because he discovered that he was allergic to her hair. He let her fend for herself as a puppy. Millie had two litters of puppies before coming to me. I can't even bring myself to write about what happened to the first litter. This is why, when Debbie saw that Millie was pregnant again, she decided to take things in her own hands. Debbie began feeding Millie good food, and sent out a heart felt letter to co-workers hoping that someone would adopt her & her puppies. I didn't even have to read the story, I read it later. Instead, I wrote back to Debbie soon after seeing her picture, telling her I would take Millie. I didn't even know if I would be approved for my house yet. I just knew she belonged with me. I am happy to say, that Millie's puppies were all adopted, even the runt puppy she was hiding under the trailer for sometime after the other pups were given away! Millie had never been to a vet, and didn't know there was anywhere else to sleep but outside. I was worried about how she would get a long with Rooby, but it only took them a few days to start playing like maniacs! Now I know they truly are sisters. Millie has also been a learning experience for me. As a former abandoned dog, we deal with anxiety issues, some behaviors (but not many, she is really sweet), and a little motion sickness in the car. I wouldn't change any of it. That wag of her tail & little licks on my ankles make it one of the best experiences I have had.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Greetings everyone! This is my first time blogging ever! I hope you enjoy it, as I am excited to get started writing. I will be making an attempt to update it weeklu, more if I can. Please make comments about what you think about what's going on in my life. You will get to know my two doggies as well, Rooby & Millie. I will be uploading pics of them very soon.
Thank you for visiting my blog!