My List

Lists are very popular on our blogs, so I thought I would write one too.

Things that I did this weekend that were good:

1. Got my hair done and styled while drinking a glass of wine.

2. Falling asleep on the couch Friday Night:)

3. Slept in Sat. morning (9:45am).

4. Made a real breakfast.

5. Enjoyed coffee!

6. Put a payment down on my new bed frame.

7. Talked to my best friend.

8. Had a date with a 'normal' guy! They are out there!

9. Went to church.

10. Gave lady at church my email address.

11. Hiked the Incline on a beautiful day.

Baby steps towards a dream






After talking to my brother one morning this last week, my wheels started to turn. He really encouraged me to start the process towards my Coffee Shop dream. I have been basically "talking" about this with only a select few for a couple of years now. I mentioned to him that I need to look into taking some business classes, which he baulked at. There is help out there, I just need to find it. We talked about starting to write my Business Plan outline as a first step. All of my ideas are in my head swimming around. It is time to get them down on paper. So, I looked online for some help and found a great outline that tells you exactly what you need in the plan. I also found a Business Plan template, which I saved on my computer for later. I then looked on the BBB site, which had a couple of articles to help me go towards the right direction, I hope! One is Steps to Starting your own Business. The other is Looking for Sounds Financial Advice. The next order of business, once I start getting my ideas down in the outline, will be to go check out the competition. I will go to several coffee places and take notes of what I see that works, and what won't work for me. Mostly, I am just trying to not run away screaming. This is a scary idea. But I am only at the thinking stages right now. That's isn't scary, right?

Mommy Bloggers





Have you heard of this? Moms, who blog and get paid for it. Or have you heard the term Professional Bloggers. How can I make that happen? Wouldn't it be cool to do something for fun that you do as a pastime and get paid for it? I heard about this on 60 minutes or something like that, can't remember. I really think that you writers out there, and you know who you are, should find out how you can make some money out of this bloggin thing. That is your mission for the week. Good luck! Keep me posted. Hee hee.

Ok seriously!

It is time for someone to tell me the truth. Am I destined to find a geeky guy? Are geeky guys what fit with me? Seriously! I really starting to get a complex and am strongly considering not letting anyone set me up again. Unless of course, judging from what I look like, that is the type of guy people think I belong with. It's really not that I think I belong with a hottie, but sheesh! I can't even really describe well the types of guys I have been set up with in the last year or so. So, please tell me so I can get over myself, ok? Is a guy with funny teeth, and odd shaped head, and nerdy quirks my type of guy? Or do you see me with a normal build type of guy that could hang with my friends. Or maybe just help out my self esteem and tell me the type of guy you see me with. I know I am asking right now for the superficial. I already know what I want on the inside. It's just the guys I have been set up with, including tonight, make Cody from high school look like a model. I am babbling now, I know sorry, bare with me. I am just starting to think that I am not all that pretty. You be the judge, you are my friends. I can take honesty from you. Lay it on me.

I love this picture of the bowling ball, cuz that is how I look when I bowl a strike or end up in the gutter! This was suppose to be a funny blog about me joining our work's Bowling League. But of course in my life there always seems to be so many other things intertwined through the main story. Work for the past few weeks has been a real struggle for me. I tried to be assertive at work, but it ended up biting me in you know where. I won't go into the whole long drawn out story, it is really still exhausting for me to tell to many times. But bottom line I was met with some real ugliness. It still floors me when I get a first hand glimpse at what people are capable of. I more than made the VP of Human Resources angry with me because I tried to get something done that his department wasn't. He blew up at me through a mass email. It was awful. I can't even describe it except to say there was hatred in his words. That really took me by surprise. I have always thought of myself as someone easy to work with and get along with, and up until this point I thought I had a good working relationship with this man. But there was hatred behind his words. When I had to confront him about it, I was met with even more venom. He did not care to listen to me. He decided I was out to get him, and that was it. Our CEO was out of town that week, but I knew I would have to talk to her when she came back. She is a piece of work also. You don't want to be on her bad side. And usually she takes the side of the people she directly supervises, which is this guy. When I did meet with her, it wasn't quite as bad as I thought, although she did tell me she talked him out of resigning. She apologized for him, should have been him, but oh well. But she also defended him to some degree. The talk itself went fine, but then she went and talked to my boss. The next day, bowling day by the way, my boss told me that Noreen-CEO thought that I had rolled my eyes at her during a passed meeting, not the meeting I just had with her. I was really upset about that. One she did not address that with me when she had the chance, and two I would not ever do that! So, I had a sour taste in my mouth, and feeling pretty defeated in my job. I was really looking forward to this wacky bowling night. A chance to blow off some steam. Take a guess who was on the opposing team next to us. Noreen. There went that. I had to be on my guard the whole night and act like I was having fun. I did learn some things from all this though. I am not good at playing the politics game at work. And when I get a little confident, I can get a little big for my britches in a way. I need to humble myself a little more at work, trust God more. And remember more harm comes from gossiping and perpetuating the negative feelings. Anyway, I am hoping the next bowling game will be more fun. And I am wondering if God put Noreen there to remind me that it would have been more harmful if I would have spent my night gossiping about her. God is both funny and wise.

My new Church

Well, today didn't go like I pictured it exactly,

but it was good just the same.

I made it to church 5 minutes later than I hoped,

despite Carey calling me this morning to make sure I was up.

Thanks Carey!

I missed the prayer portion and the divvying up of jobs.

5 minutes late!

These people don't waist anytime.

I guess I thought there was more to it because you have to be there a half an hour before the service starts.

So, hopefully lesson learn,

and I will try again.

What happened instead was,

I was standing in front of the coffee bar getting my cup filled.

A girl approached me that was in the members class with me.

We started talking.

She is very nice,

and she is a teacher also.

So, we have a lot in common.

We stood there for quite a while before going in to sit down.

Then, a man that was also in the members class with me,

came in and sat near me. He actually lived in Rapid City for the past 5 years,

but recently moved back to the Springs this year. He is not native to SD,

but we had something easy to talk about.

After church, I did not get to meet the people Pastor Pete wanted me to meet,

but instead talked for quite awhile with the guy from RC,

then I teacher that works for me who also goes to the church.

The girl I was talking to earlier also came back over.

I stayed after church for quite a while!

I usually leave immediately,

so it was really neat to stick around and actually talk to people.

Everyone I have met so far has been so genuinely nice and easy to talk to.

Is God looking out for me or what?!

To make things better,

it was also a communion Sunday.

I felt very much renewed in my faith,

and feel like I have been given a fresh new start.

I feel that this is only the beginning.

Today

I became a member of my new church today. This will only be the 2nd time I have done this in my life. It just feels like time. The last time I committed to a church, I had to leave it suddenly. I hope this one sticks for a real long time. It feels good. And I feel like I am starting over with God. Today, I am home.

Two steps closer.

Saturday, I attended a Members class at my church, Springs Calvary. I really feel that it is time to get up and start walking towards what I want, instead of doing what I usually do which is wait for something to happen, then wonder why nothing did. The structure of the church is very laid back, and the Pastors really rely on the congregation to make things happen. It's sort of a church for and by the people kind of thing. The pastors help to connect, but it is up to us to initiate what we want. Something, you know, is hard for me to do. I do feel led to keep walking outside my comfort level, and in order to have the Christian family I want, I am going to have to make myself a part of things. This is when I really wish I had Karen's gift of making friends and connecting to people. Not my strong suit. So, first step is the first Members class, there is another one next Saturday. Last week, I tried to find small group postings on the website, because there are none posted in the bulletins, and there are none listed in the website either. I found out from the members class that this is very much intentional based on what I described to you earlier. They want us to form our relationships and serve where we are called. So, I wasn't sure last week what to do, so I emailed one of the Pastors in hopes he could put me in touch with someone. He wrote back, Pastor Pete, and asked me to find him after church so we could talk in person. I did that today. I had to make myself stay there while he prayed with some other people, and talk to some others. I kept praying, Lord don't let me run, just keep me here. You know all I wanted to do was bolt. When I finally got to talk to him, he remembered my name. He talked to me about a few people he wanted to introduce me to, one is a single girl, the others were a couple who have a small group for people in their 30's and 40's. He explained that they didn't really do much as far as Singles Groups, but this no longer matters to me as much. I have kind of half given up looking for that for now. Right now I just want to get to know people and actually be a contributing member to my church. I use to hate the idea of even being in a Women's Group, but now I am all for it! The people he wanted to introduce me to were gone already, but he did lead me over to a lady, who I had talked to in church today already, and told me that she is another good person to connect with, because she is really involved and knows a lot of people here. She told me that if I had a heart for serving, I should come next Sunday at 9:15. That is when anyone who feels like serving in some way, comes early, they gather together, pray, and everyone decides where they want to serve, or people designate where they want you. It really is laid back like that. It is not at all structured in anyway. She said that is a great time to meet people who are more involved and may be a way to get into some small groups. Ok, so I really feel that I am heading in the right direction here. It felt good. So, pray that I can get my lazy-sleeping-in-lovin butt out of bed early enough next Sunday to make it there by 9:15. You know I am ALWAYS late for church and it starts at 9:45!

Millie

One Year later

Now that I have my computer back, I can blog about somethings that I have been wanting to write about for a long time. I needed my pics!

This one is of Millie and Rooby in the cottage sharing the dog bed for the first time. Next is the first time Millie and Rooby actually played together. Millie has the upper hand! This one below is of


Millie's first nap in our new house with her new friend. Next, Millie's first hike!

First drink in a creek with Rooby. Here's to many more years of firsts. I love my Millie!

As you can see I have had some issues setting up the flow of this post. Hope you can follow it anyway.

I finally have my laptop back!!! Happy day!

Who gets lost in Waldo Canyon?

Give up? ME! Never thought it could happen in the 10 years that I have lived here, that I would get lost on a well traveled trail. A trail that is a loop no less! A trail that many people hike on all the time at any time of day. So, we are hiking along. I have my camel back full of water, I thought. I have Millie's new Dog-pack filled with necessities such as snacks for all of us. I had a big late breakfast, so I was full when we started at noon. At the start of the trail, we ran into lots of people. Then not long after I turned onto the loop, we ran into one person. In hindsight, this was pretty strange because of all the cars that were in the parking lot and people we saw at first. But I guess I thought maybe most people were starting off in the opposite direction, and I would run into people eventually. After that initial hiker, I saw no one. We hiked what seemed forever, when I looked around at the scenery and thought to myself that everything looked a little different than what I remember. It had been a few years since I hiked here. Then after a while later, and by the way I am out of water and have eaten most of the snacks, I saw roofs. Yes, houses. Those of you who have been to Waldo know that there are no houses that close to the trail. Before I knew it, we were in a neighborhood. I was really upset now, because my inkling that I was perhaps lost was becoming real. I walked around the neighborhood for a bit, looked around at the mountains trying to get my barrings, but I couldn't figure out where I was exactly. Was I in Manitou Springs, which is further west from where I started, or in Green Mountain Falls which is further east. By this time I was pretty frustrated. I couldn't figure out what I did, except that there were two paths a ways back and Rooby had gone one way, but I decided to go another. I prayed, but it was a slightly angry prayer because I was in this situation by myself. I was also determined to figure out what I had done. I was not going to ask anyone for help. I decided to double back and take Rooby's path from a while ago. I did that, still very upset. I was crying somewhat and talking to God about why.....do I get myself in these situations that become obvious yet again that I am here alone. I was also freaked out that I could get lost here! No one knew where I was. I had a cell phone, and there were houses so I knew I wasn't going to die or anything, it's just the fact that I was lost. While this pity party was going on in my head, I suddenly realized that I had been in a complete circle and back at the same neighborhood I was in before! I couldn't believe it! It was well after 5pm at this point. I wasn't feeling well because I didn't have food in my tummy and no water. My dogs were hot and wanted water, especially Millie who was carrying the pack. We were pooped. I was quietly sobbing, and decided I needed to find out where I was. I wasn't going to ask for help, I had given it to God reluctantly. I am not sure I was really giving up control though. Walking down a street, I saw a woman standing outside a Bed & Breakfast House. She was looking right at me, and did not look away. I tried to avoid her stare and stop crying, but she kept looking at me. I had sun glasses on, so I didn't think she could see that I was crying. But when I came up on her, she stopped me and asked me if I was ok. It was clear that I wasn't, embarrassed, I told her what happened. She told me I was in Cascade, not as far east as Green Mountain Falls, but east of where I had started. Karen, I was all the way up by the Colorado Wines Restaurant we like! She and her family gave me a water, some for my dogs too, and gave me a ride to my car! And in the course of us talking, she let it be known that she is a believer. Here I thought God had left me alone yet again, and he was no where to be found because I can't feel him! But really he was there the whole time. He took me back to that neighborhood even though I stubbornly tried to leave it and find my own way. He put someone in my path, someone in his family, to help me. I was not alone for the hundredth time! I am saying that to myself, you all know my issues. Needless to say, Millie & I were not feeling well for the rest of the night, and Rooby's feet and legs were sore. It has taken me a few days to digest all this and figure out how I feel. I wish I didn't always feel so angry with God all the time. Life is not how I want it at the moment. I just need to realize that he is there with me through it all whether I feel him or not, he's there.

Are you ready for some Broncos?!

It is finally here, Bronco season! Notice I said 'Bronco" season instead of Football season? That's because truth be told, I only watch the Broncos play. I don't have the attention span it takes to watch more than one team, and the Broncos are my team! I was so excited for opening day, and I was watching the game by myself! I got my brats on, I got my chips on, and I got my beer on! And we pulled it off, all though it was a little too close. So, say it with me....GO BRONCOS!

Hoo Hoo, hoo hoo hoo! The answer to my tech. prayers! FINALLY, I have Cable Highspeed Internet and have switched to Vonage! I belong to this world again! It is now tolerable to use the Internet at home again! I can watch utube! I can watch your video links now! And best of all.......It won't take me freakin forever to get to each of my blog sites and email sites! You guys don't know, or maybe you do, how nice this is for me. I love most of my technology again. Now for the camera.....

Technology Woes


I am sitting her at the Library, yes I finally broke down and went to the Library! It seems that I just can't anything right when it comes to my own technology these days. My laptop has been missing in action for several months now, but is currently in the shop getting repaired hopefully! I have been using a crappy work laptop that is slower than dial-up! But I can't use that for the Internet because I have no dial tone currently, no homer phone, because I cancelled with Qwest to start up Vonage. I am trying to save money see, so I thought if you have Highspeed "dial-up", that will work just as well as DSL or Cable Broadband, right? WRONG! I don't even want to go into the small fiasco I went through just to try and download Netzero Highspeed Dial up to the slower than molasses Dell laptop I am using, so I will skip that step. But I am sure you get the picture! So, since my computer is now finally in the shop, I have started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have ordered Cable Highspeed Internet, which will be coming Wed., and I can't wait. I can't wait to get back to uploading my won pics to my blogs, telling my stories with my pictures, like when I went to the Big Horns last weekend......Oh yeah, the Big Horns. That is where I dropped my camera in the rocks near the stream we were hiking around, and broke it! Now my camera is needing to be repaired or replaced! Seriously! What is my deal? I just want my technology to be back to normal and working better than ever. Is that too much to ask? Sheesh!

Bubba

RIP

8-26-07

Rooby & Chris will miss you.

Bubba

Some of you may recall that I wrote a story not long ago about Bubba. I think I wrote about him peeing in my house before my mom and gramma got here. Bubba can drive me crazy at times. He is always under your feet, I can't tell you all the times I have tripped over him! He has also never really been potty trained. But when he looks at you with his big brown eyes...well I melt. Rooby and Bubba have been in love, literally, since they met when he was a puppy. He has also been a guest at out house numerous times. Bubba is sick now. He is losing liver function. It came on suddenly in the last couple of days. He started bloating quite a lot, and his bones are severely showing. The vet has given Bubba a month at least to live. He is only three years old! Liz, his mommy, says that the vet thinks that he must have been eating food or treats that were under the recall. Liz has been careful to stay away from the recalled food, but she has a couple of neighbors who love to feed him over the fence. She is thinking that is how he got sick. Rooby and I went to go see him today, and he really looks terrible, but sweet as ever. We will keep stopping by until he passes. That will be a hard day. I really love that dog, he is one of my own.

This was me yesterday. All I have to say is....ahhhhhh! Karen & Jen sent me a much needed B-day present, a Gift Certificate to a spa! I got an all body massage and a facial that was more like a facial massage. It was wonderful, and a good end to a stressful week. I left feeling happy and sleepy. Thank you Karen & Jen! I smell good!:)

I want a life too!

Before I get started on my next therapy blog, I do apologize for bring anyone down. I just can't shake this all encompassing lonely feeling that has taken over my life. I just can't figure out what I am doing wrong here. I think that God wants me to be alone to be with him. Well, I am but this miserable feeling of being alone won't go away. I don't even usually feel his presence. Yesterday was my birthday, and for the first time ever, I spent it entirely alone, with the poochies of course, but you know what I mean. If it weren't for the many calls I received from friends and family far away, I would have really sunk into depression, so thank you! I took the dogs on a MUCH needed hike, if you read my last blog you would know that they haven't had much excitement. It was a great hike, and so nice to be in the mountains. Then I went home and painted my toes, and watched TV. Today, I feel the depression. It comes in waves. I read all your blogs and can't help to feel a little jealous. I want a life too. I want friends, I want a husband, and want to be fulfilled. I know no one out there has the perfect life, and I don't want perfection, I just want this horrible alone feeling to go away. What am I doing wrong? I talk to God all the time. I am going to church. I have cut out things in my life that are bad for me for the most part. I am ready for God to lead me. And yet, I remain in this holding pattern. I don't feel him. I am tired of sounding pathetic and sad. I want to write about more positive things, I really do. But nothing, out side of work is happening. On a good note, the worst of work is over for now, I can breath again. Still have a lot to do, but now at a more normal pace. Anyway, I don't want to feel like I am being punished somehow, cuz I know that is not how God works. I guess I could use your words of wisdom once again my friends.

Where in the world is Chris?


Some of you may be wondering that. I haven't been blogging much, and that includes reading every one's blogs. I have been so buried at work. This time of year is the worst for me, and it has been busy this summer, especially in the last few weeks. I'll break it down for ya. In May, we were told that there will be many changes that we would have to make sure happened because it is good for the agency. First, we were going to be changing our primary program model from Year Round to School Year. We still will have some YR's, but mostly SR. As you can imagine this effects staff paychecks. Then we were told that a number of our classroom sites were going to have to move for various reasons. We have to coordinate these moves plus license their new locations. THEN, we were told that we would be adding 7 brand new sites, each on a small budget including putting in new playgrounds, again we have to coordinate all this and license them. For the new sites, we have to order a complete classroom worth of materials. This normally takes $20,000, we were given $12,000. It is very difficult to order from scratch. You have to think of everything possible a classroom would need to meet all our Health, Fire, and Licensing requirements. I have been work on 3 moves, and licensing 3 different sites, one of which is brand new. So, the 7 new sites requires 3 staff each, so lots of hiring. This includes all the people who resigned. We do the hiring also. So, this is all bad enough. However, it is all coming to a head at the same time we have New Teacher training week, and then our annual CPCD College week when all staff comes back for more training. We do all the trainings for New Teacher, and two days worth during CPCD College. I have been spending so much time working on my classrooms, that yesterday and several nights this last week, were the only times I have had to prepare for training. I stayed at work last night until 7pm, and worked nights until 10pm, and I will be going in Sunday. So, I haven't had anytime to even read blogs! I am missing you all, and hope I can get life to slow down here soon, maybe the end of August, to be able to catch up with you all. Pray for me that I can get though this pace without cracking too much, I already have a few times! Here's to slower times.

Wi-whooo!

I was driving to work yesterday worrying about everything I had to do that day, and I was late (shocker!), when I loud whistle horn went off as I passed a semi. It wasn't a normal horn, it really sounded like a whistle! It scared me at first, then I burst out laughing when I realized it was for me! Kind of made my morning. Yeah, I still got it!