Oh the joys of Christmas








Christmas was pretty interesting and weird this year to say the least. There is ALWAYS some sort of drama that goes on whenever my family gets together, it is inevitable. We are all so different. My mom has two siblings, my uncle John B. and my aunt Connie. John's family is all scattered around, so there's one excuse to not come to Spearfish, G & G's (Gramma & Grampa) house. The other excuse is my Gramma is very hard to take, I'll get into that one soon. It's really too bad, because they are all pretty fun to be around. John's family likes to have fun and do things, they are low key and low drama. Connie's family, I fondly call them the rednecks of the family, are the ones that live in town. Her oldest son, Troy is different from his siblings though, he has a good head on his shoulders, but his oldest child is a hellion! His siblings, Brett & Lisa are chalk full of dysfunction and drama. Brett is an alcoholic, and Lisa also likes to drink but is generally very loud and boisterous. Connie's clan tends to show up right when it's time to eat, doesn't help at all, they bring most of the chaos with them, and leave as soon as presents are open. Then there is my family. Yes, we are the more sensitive of the families, our feelings get hurt easily, but we are also the ones that show up early, help cook and set up, serve during the meal, and help clean up at the end. Last year, we had worked hard to set everything up, and we including my Grandparents had to sit at the "kids" table, while the rest got waited on by my mom and sat where ever they wanted without a care at all. This year, we were determined to make sure there was an actual "kids" table and my Grandparents spots were clearly marked. At first, this was met with raised eyebrows and snide comments, but it worked pretty well for the most part. The problem occurred as some adults consumed LOTS of alcohol, and the child voices began to rise. Gramma has no tolerance. She snapped several times. It was very hard to take, worse than most years. I looked around at all these people that are my family. Cousins that I don't see often at all. People that the only thing I have in common with is that we are family. As the kids grow older they are also getting louder, which is great. They are kids having fun. Why is Gramma still having these big get togethers when it is so obviously hard for her to handle. She has always been a stress case, but man it is really bad now. I want to have compassion for my Gramma, I really do. She has had a hard year. Bouts of sickness, dealing with Grampa's memory loss, surgery on her wrist, shingles on one arm that is still hurting her. I want to feel bad for her, but she uses all this as a way to gain attention and keep all focus on her. She has always been this way, now she just has more ammunition to work with. She is constantly yelling at my Grampa and calling him names whether he is joking around or can't hear something or forgets something. She behaves as if he is a huge burden that only she has to bare. It's so hard to take. No one can talk to her about it, she is always right. You also can not joke with her or tease her in any way shape or form. The last night I was there, my brother & his wife, Gramma & Grampa and myself were playing cards. We were laughing and having fun. Gramma was having fun too, telling a negative story that she has told about 5 times in the last week about someone who couldn't read her mind. I made a joke, not thinking cuz we were having fun, about her story. She blew up at me. It was horrible, hateful, and ugly what she yelled at me. We were all stunned. I tried to say that I was just joking and some other things but it didn't matter, she continued screaming at me. I then told her that she cannot talk to me that way and that she was hurting me. She yelled that she was my elder and could talk to me anyway she wanted to. I then stated that I was done talking to her. She then continued on with her negative story she started out with. We finished our card game in silence. I just started crying. I trying not to be noticed but I couldn't stop it. After the game, she moved away from me and wouldn't look at me. I really didn't know what to do next. It was time for me to go home. I was still crying. Part of me wanted to scream at her or storm out in some dramatic fashion. The other part of me was trying to figure out how to show mercy. This would have been a good time for a prayer. But I often forget to lean on God when things like this come up. God heard me anyway, and he took over for me. I was making the rounds giving everyone hugs good bye. Last came Gramma. I gave her a hug, she started crying and apologized. We talked quietly for a bit. It was good, but sad. I'm glad that God did that. It just makes me sad that this is how my Gramma is living her last years. And I'm not a good enough Christian to....I don't know.

So, long long rambling story short, this will be the last Christmas we all will have together under Gramma's house. It is time for a change. Not sure what that is going to look like at this time, but I know things will never be the same, and maybe that is a good thing. Isn't family strange? They may all be strangers and dysfunctional, but you love them anyway, right?

It happens all the time. I am driving around, at the store, at work, doing stuff at home, and I am blogging in my head. A lot of times, I think about actually sitting down to type out my story, but either I am just too tired, busy and can't stop, or I can't decide or remember which story I wanted to write about. I must have had 6 or 7 blog stories in my head this week, but now, I can't really think about what to write. So, I am going to be lame and post a couple pictures. I really can't wait to have two weeks off! I need to get some brain cells back. Couple more days. I will leave you with this tidbit: Digby is coming home with me for Christmas. Imagine if you will. 4 dogs + 6 cats, all in one small trailer house.:) Fa la la la la!!

Carey's idea of praying in the car. Sorry Carey, had to do it!;)

Carey's wish for Christmas, not world peace....gumballs!

Out to dinner with the girls!

Closet Hockey Star!

Score! Carey, littlest J Boy, and friend.

Skating with the Grosdidiers!





Thanksgiving dinner contributions- who brought what I ask you?

I had such a great time in Montrose/Mitchell with Carey and fam. I can't thank her enough. It has been such a long time since Carey & have got together like this, it all was so familiar and fun.

Trip account:

Flying into the Sioux Falls airport I kept telling this teen girl from Spokane that she should wear her warm coat, hat & gloves pretty much the whole time she was there because it is sooooo cold here in SD. I myself was wearing a wool sweater, down vest, scarf, and winter boots on the plane in anticipation. Stepped outside of the airport to greet Carey, and discovered 50 degree sunny weather....doh! Full-frontal hugs, J Boys in the back playing gameboys.

Thanksgiving dinner with the Grosdidiers was fun. The "small gathering" consisted of 32 people! Lots of food, and drinks, had a great time taking in the family dynamics.

Tons of family and friends went skating at a rink that Jamie coaches at. He rented it out for all of us. I was reminded, though, this wasn't everyone! We had a great time goofing around. Some played hockey on one side, while the rest of us tried to hit pucks in a net goalied by littlest J. Big J organized the games for all of us to play later on. We played Sharks and Minnows, a tag-your-it game. I fell 3 times! Then we had relay races, old people against the young. We lost! My only regret is that Carey accidently deleted a really cute pic of her & I!

Saturday, Carey & I went to Sioux Falls. We met up with Bobbi, and prepared for an event Carey & Bobbi were putting on for a client. Went window shopping at some of the really cool new stores in Sioux Falls. Sioux Falls has changed quite a bit since I was last there. It feels like a mini Denver really. Carey, Bobbi & I had dinner at a great Italian place. A much needed girlfriend time for me! We talked quite awhile about our crazy lives.

Sunday was football day at Carey's house. It was so nice just hanging out by the fire. Little J telling me all the stats and repeating the plays from the computer as I watched the actual game on TV. Big J & Littlest J playing games on the floor. Carey putting up Christmas decor, and me laying under a blanket watch/sleeping during a really good game. It was so nice.

Carey caught me up on what has been going on with some of the people we went to college with, and we talked a lot about our own lives.

Things I was reminded of during this trip:

My best friends are going to always be there for me no matter what is going on in our lives. You guys are my family.

Everyone is experiencing ups and downs, that life, even if it appears to be so to me, is not perfect for anyone. We are all going through stuff, and we all have a lot of blessings too.

I had such a great time with you Carey, thank you! I love you!

Thank you, Carey!

I am flying out to Sioux Falls this Wed. to see one of my oldest and dearest friends!! Thank you for inviting me, and for not allowing me to spend the Turkey Day alone. Thank you also to all my friends for your thoughts, prayers, calls, and love. I love you all! This Thanksgiving I will be remembering all that I really do have to be thankful for. Thank you God, for reminding me.

I'm sorry for the last post.

I think I am grieving the loss of what I wanted.

I am trying to look at it like I am laying down myself once and for all.

I am not saying I am going to curl up in a ball and stay there.

Not saying that.

I am just surrendering:

Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

I will be joyful in God my savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

pray

I had a date Friday night. One that I was actually excited about. He is a Christian, close to my age, has a good career, and seemed to want much of what I want out of life. I was nervous too, I hate when I get nervous. I also felt hopeful. We have a lot in common, so I thought at the very least we would have a good time even if nothing comes from it. I told myself that God is in control, and he won't let me fall for anyone I shouldn't be with, and I still believe that. We had a good first day, I thought. He seemed to want to keep the night going, always suggesting we go one more place. He also touched my arm more than once and even hugged me at one point. I told him up front that I was nervous, and that I can hold back a little when I first meet someone. I wanted him to know there is more to know about me that what he will see the first time. At the end of the night, he said that now I have to ask him out. It was very cute, so naturally I thought he likes me. But that is where it ended. Before we went on our date, he texted me often and we talked on the phone for over an hour. After the date, he didn't do any of that. I am independent and a slow mover, so you know I was good about not pouncing on him. I waited a couple days before emailing him, but received no response. I waited a little while after that, and emailed again. I knew something was wrong, but what went wrong during our date? The other voice in my head also said maybe he is busy, and he did put the ball in my court. So, Tuesday night I called him, and it went straight to voicemail. I did ask God before hand that if this isn't meant to be let it go to voicemail so I can just leave a message. I said in my message, something breezy and funny, then I said that I wasn't sure what happened but he could call me if he wanted to. I put it back in is court. He didn't call me back, but I did get an email last night from him. It was your basic he-wanted-to-make-himself-feel-better email. He said that he thought I was a good person, but unfortunately we could only be friends. That is it. I resisted the urge to write back and ask how he came up with that after only one date, what's the point. I keep telling myself that it is most likely timing for him. It has only been a year since his divorce. But I can't help but feel so disappointed. Not because I lost this guy in particular but because it is painfully painfully getting to be obvious that I am meant to be alone. Yeah yeah yeah, you have heard this before. Don't read on if you don't want to hear it again. I am sad. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of feeling like this is all there is. I am in a job that is just a job, no good friends here, no relationship. No real happiness. I am tired of just moving slowly through life. I don't want to give up but maybe I am suppose to. Do you know I have not had close friends here for two years. I have not dated anyone special in four years. I have scattered dates here and there that all end up being disappointing. I am lonely. I keep crying out to God to lift me out of this, to make me ok to be alone, to help me only live for him, but nothing different happens. The one thing I have always asked God for is to not leave me alone in life. I can't stand it anymore! I am ready to give in. To whole up. I'm sorry positive thinking is not entering in here. I have tried so hard. I am ready to stop trying. I am suppose to mirror someones life, something I have fought for a long time, but I can't fight it any more. I can't. So......I don't know. I don't really know what to do. Prayer is not working. Hope is not helping. Please know I just need to get all this yucky stuff out of me. Hopefully, in time I will be ok with life the way it is. And since I don't seem to have anything cheery to say, I'll stop writing.

This may be Digby's last week with us.

Already! I was called the other day by All Breed, asking me to bring him in for an Introduction. He gets to meet a family that is interested in him. I don't really know what to expect from this visit. I don't know if they have already gone through their classes and could take him home that same time if they like him or not. They didn't tell me to bring all his stuff with him, but I don't really know what will happen. I am sad, but I haven't cried or anything. He is such a great fit for us. My dogs really love that little guy. But I didn't choose to do this for me or my dogs. I am doing this for Digby. I can only hope they are good people. All I know about them is they live in Denver. So, pray for little Digby that the right people adopt him. and pray for us that we don't miss him too much.

I have a lot to catch you up on I know, but sadly, and I will blog about this later, I have an addiction to Facebook. So, instead of writing a big long story about what I have been doing, here are some pictures with short captions. Ask me questions, and I will elaborate more I promise.

So, this first pic is of Jennifer & I. She came to visit me the same week I got Digby and just before I flew to Washington, DC.

This is Karen & I at a fun Mexican Restaurant in Washington, DC. We met our college buddy Stro there. By the way, I stayed in the hotel that Reagon was shot in front of.








This was E's brainchild here. He asked for my lipstick to draw the blood trickling down the pumpkin. He had a great time stabbing the poor pumpkin. Poor pumpkin.

We all went ice-skating for a school fundraiser, Bubba's school. So, it was old fogies and a ton of preteens. Ask Karen how hard the ice was:)

One of Karen's neighbor, Debbie, had a party one of the days I was in Virginia. It was a lot of fun. Debbie taught several people how to Salsa. I sat back and drank a few glasses of 4 buck chuck, yum!

It has been a whirlwind time. First came Digby, then Jen, then DC for a conference, then finally a great weekend with Karen & fam.

The end.

Doggies!

I got his name wrong when I first told you about him. It's not Bigby, it's Digby. Oops! Life with Digby is going really well. He is a funny character to say the least! He is sweet but stubborn in a way. He isn't so stubborn that he won't listen, but he will look at me like, "No, make me", then he will make some grunting noises, then he complies with the command. He is my little buddy, he follows me around everywhere. When I am on the computer, he will wait outside the baby gate and wait for me to come back over to his side. He is also a sweet snuggler, as you can see from this pic above. Millie and Rooby love him, and that is a feat for Rooby! Before I got him, they told me that he has a problem with marking his territory excessively, but he has only peed once. I kept him on a leash for the first few days, so I could keep tabs on him. He learned very quickly that he can't pee in my house. He really fits in great with us. It will be sad for all of us when he leaves us, but I know he will a great pet for any family.

When I left the polling place I started to cry soon after I walked out the door. I cried more as I drove to Starbucks to get my free coffee. I am struck at how emotional I felt after this time of voting. I didn't even feel this way when I voted for the first time. This is just such a defining moment in our history. Never before have I paid so much attention to the campaign and the issues. I even studied the Colorado Amendments and Questions on the ballot. I wanted so much to be more informed when making my decisions, to feel good about how I am voting instead of guessing. But even feeling more informed, I know I still do not know everything there is to know about the candidates or the issues. I cried because I feel good about my choices, but I also know that no matter who becomes President, they have an uphill battle. Our nation's future is in jeopardy. I am worried that I made wrong choices. I don't want to contribute to our nations or my states failure if it comes to that. I prayed on my way to Starbucks. I decided to allow myself to feel good about my choices, and I placed firmly our nation in God's hands. He, and only he knows what is best for us, and what we must go through to be the country he wants us to be. I cried when they announced that Barack Obama is the President Elect for so many reasons. And I cried when John McCain conceded for so many reasons. Never before have I felt this way about an election, I just can't shake it. I know I will go on crying through Obama's speech that is coming up. There is a feeling of being smack in the middle of history. Whether you are for Obama or not, it says a lot about how far our country has come. You can't ignore this moment no matter who you voted for. I am not going to talk about who I voted for, I do not like defending my political choices, I just don't. This is something that is deeply personal to me. I will say, that I did not have my mind fully made up until I walked into the polling place. Man, this was so hard. I have always been "blessed" with the ability to see both sides, good and bad, which makes it very difficult for me to keep myself from being pulled back and forth. This quality can be good at work when I have to mediate conflicts, but for things like this it is a struggle. Anyway, I am proud that I voted. And I am so proud that I am able to. Thank you to all who gave themselves over for this privilege.

I had a To Do List too:

1. Wash Clothes

2. wash dishes

3. make bed

4. check blogs

5. weed Wac

6. make attempt to pull the last weeds

7. take things downstairs to be stored

8. plant spring bulbs

9. sweep walks

10. rake mulch

11. sweep crap off of cellar steps & spray for spiders

12. go for hike

This is what I actually accomplished:

Most of 1-4 (still have some clothes to wash)

Plumber had to come and unclog a VERY BAD backup in the bathroom! So much for plans. I think I will go buy some wine now.

Meet Bigby.
Bigby is a foster dog hoping to learn how to be a good poochie for a good family to adopt him. But before that can happen, Bigby needs help. Bigby needs to learn dog manners when playing with other dogs. Bigby needs to learn trust in people. Bigby needs to learn how to be loved.

Meet Chris.

Chris is Bigby's new foster mom. This is something I have thought about doing for a long long time. Pretty much since I rescued Millie. Having Millie, and helping her get over a lot of pain in her little life has been so rewarding for me. I have learned that you don't give up, even when things get tough, and Millie was a challenge to say the least. But now, even with her few quirks she holds on to, she really is an amazing doggy! I want to do that for someone else, only I will be working out most of the bugs before his Forever Home gets him. This is my way of serving, of giving back. Giving back to a needy doggy, and hopefully to a deserving family who wants to open their heart to a special dog. Wish me luck, this won't easy, but I can hardly wait to get started!

Starbucks anyone?

Today at church, I was manning the Coffee Bar. I was a little stressed getting there, because of course I was late. Shocker! But when I arrived I was told the that coffee maker was not working and they couldn't figure out why. I belong to a church with a severe coffee addiction, so you can imagine how big my eyes got then. They decided it wasn't a fuse, and since the Electrician had been here earlier this weekend, they must have done something to cause this situation. I joked, "well, you know there is always Starbucks"! We all laughed, but I was serious. The worship band was about to finish their practice session, and they REALLY need their coffee, plus the early birds were on their way in! Before we knew it there was a large crowd hovering around the coffee bar, and I began to get nervous. Two guys decided it would be in our best interest to go get some hot water (we didn't have hot water for tea either people!) and a few canisters of coffee from the nearest gas station. So, the explaining began to each eager coffee drinker that approached. This whole thing turned out to be pretty fun. I talked to a few people who were here for the first time, and I was able to talk up my church and welcome them. I also talked to members of my church that I haven't seen in a while, cuz I have been sleeping in;/, and it felt as if the ice was broken. We laughed and joked, it was so fun considering I didn't have a very eventful weekend. The guys finally came back with three canisters of hot water, and only two canisters of coffee....sheesh! Needless to say the coffee was gone in about 2 seconds! Well, as church was just getting started, someone had a bright idea to check the back of the coffee maker. Yes, you guessed it, there was an on & off switch that was off for some reason, it is never off you see. I didn't think of this option because the machine had power buttons in the front too, so..... Anyway, I quickly made some coffee, and all was good and happy! For me, this was probably the best day I have had at my little church.

For Karen

Last weekend I finally embraced Fall. I died my hair darker, got out my sweaters & turtle necks, decorated the house for fall, baked cookies, quit watering;), and got these little beauties at Kohl's! Happy Fall!

The Food Nazi told me we weren't allowed to go to Famous Daves, or any other chain restaurant.

So, I went on the search and found this great hole in the wall place very close to where I live. It is called The English Dockside Seafood & Grill. It won Colorado Springs Best Of three years in a row. Amazing shrimp at this place! My mouth is watering still! So, I had some good food, great company, and a night out! The only bummer is they do not serve wine. :( And who was my date, you ask?

My date was none other than my best friend's hubby, in town for work. Thank you Karen for sharing your best Dude with me for one evening. And thanks for forcing me to find such a great place. We were missing you though.

This what I like to do every Saturday morning. It's kind of bad in a way, sitting here, drinking coffee, laughing at all the funny blog posts. Especially when it is a beautiful fall day outside. I should be pulling weeds, putting together my Adirondack chairs, cleaning something, shopping, I'm even skipping my knitting group (:) right now cuz I would rather sit here in my pj's and blog! It's an addiction I tell ya! Maybe because I don't get to blog much during the week, I crave this time with my friends. But man I have a lot to do today! Oh well, I guess there are worse ways to spend your time. So, you all enjoy your weekends, I'll be right here blogging.

I still need to put sealant on it, and scrap off some grout that is globby. I can't clean it for 2 weeks, but here it is. Next is painting the walls, then I have to redo the enamel on the tub, it's scraping off. So, I will wait until all that is done before I take anymore pics. Oh, and I also need a new window curtain, clearly. So, what do you think?

What do you think of my new tile for my bathroom? It's glass mosaic. I designed the color pattern with the different colored squares. It's not really a pattern. On each sheet I put 5 different colored squares in at random. Half of it was put up today, the other half goes up tomorrow. I look at the half finished shower and like it one second, and really not all that sure the next. The guy putting it in for me said it is retro looking. I wasn't going for retro, but I think it works. Think yellow painted walls and a yellow tub.

This is my Dentist. I flirted with my dentist using this appointment card as my "in". I flirted with my dentist.

How I long for the days when flirting was easy. You know...when everyone was drunk!

My coffee dream.

Ok, I get terrified just thinking about the whole thing, which I think about quite a lot. Now that work has slowed down somewhat, I have more time to think. And more time to fight against the urge. I couple weeks ago, I saw a house for sale that was almost perfect. It is an old house, cute, lots of charm. It has a decent size front yard, big enough for my tables and chairs patio idea. The backyard could be bigger, but could fit a very small play area with tables all around it. Three nice rooms inside for tables etc. The kitchen would need a lot of work to turn it into a coffee place. The foundation is bad, but since I'm just dreaming, it doesn't matter. I talked to the owner, he was willing to rent it to me for cheaper than my mortgage, he said he would also work with me on the down payment. The house is already zoned as a business. So, my mind starts turning again. Of course I am MILES from being able to do anything. But I kept feeling this sense of terror! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS BY MYSELF! I don't know how to start/run a business, why can't I let this drop?? I have always wanted a safe secure life..... Sigh. You'd think this would just die off, but not so far. Maybe I just like having a dream. Maybe I'm not suppose to do anything with this dream except dream. I don't know. I don't know.