Monday, August 24, 2009

Can you say....
Not to minimize how I am feeling,
not at all I feel it.
However, it is more intense during this week.
I realized last night where I was in the month:)
Today was better.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I'm tired of being sad.
I'm tired of being lonely.
I just really want to go home,
but I can't.
I don't know how.
Can you say "Awkward?"??

Today, I did Coffee at church. I love doing coffee because people have to come to me and talk to me, and it is an easy exchange with the starting topic of... coffee. Anyway, it is about the only time I feel plugged in to church. But something happened today that was way out there in my book. This guy, Frank, is sort of a d0-it-all maintenance guy, came over to talk to me, and basically harass me for being late. This is a regular occurrence, because it is usually he who gets the coffee started because I am late getting there most of the time. Usually it is just a little banter then it is over, I move on to talking to others & making coffee. Today was different. He hovered today, kept coming back over to talk to me. He asked more than once of he could help me, but I really don't need another person in there, it's a tight squeeze as it is. Plus I am faster on my own. So, I politely decline each time. Then he asks me if I am a Facebook or My Space person. I tell him Fb. He asks if he can be my friend on Fb. I said sure! He said, you know I should get your number, I didn't think anything of it at first, so I gave t to him, thinking that I really do need some friends. Then he asked what things I like to do. Next, he says we should hang out sometime. I'm like, sure.... Ok, I really thought he was married this whole time I have been coming here. I knew he has 2 kids, and I thought I saw a woman with him before, but I guess I don't know anything for sure. So, the next time he came around, I checked for a ring, and was dismayed to not see one. He kept saying things like, so you think it is a good idea if we do something sometime? It started to dawn on me that he isn't looking for a "friend", he wants to date. So, about the third time he asked if I thought it was a good idea we hang out, I made myself say something. I do NOT want to lead anyone on, and you can probably guess I wasn't loving this attention from him. I said, what are you looking for, because I am just looking for friends right now. VERY awkward to say the least. He said, well yeah friends then we see what happens. He got pulled away then, and I slipped out of church as fast as I could. He called me on my way home, and apologized if he freaked me out, and said I could call him sometime. Now what am I suppose to do? I wanted to be connected at church, but this wasn't part of the plan. He is very much a part of things at church, and is at everything. This doesn't help my current feelings about going to church right now. What do I say to him??

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Thanks Bobbi, that was fun!
Try it everybody. It does make me want to watch the show now. I watched the lead guy on Saturday Night Live last night, he is a really good actor and very easy on the eyes!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Man enough to attempt to play tug-o-war with Rooby!

(Pre- Groomin)

The Digby saga ends, finally! He is mine:) It was an ordeal of my making that lasted just about a month. Turns out if I would have asked for him in the first place, like before there was anyone interested in him, which there hasn't been anyone for a long time, they would have let me adopt him! This is what I let my brain do to me:

A few months back, I watched an Ellen DeGeneres episode about her adoptive dog that ended badly. She adopted a dog from a rescue place. The dog wasn't doing well with the dogs she already had, and a friend's kids started bonding with the dog. So, she decided it would be good for everyone to give the dog to her friend with the kids. Ellen didn't realize that she had broken a major rule with this particular agency. You are not to give away the dog for any reason without clearing it with the agency. So, the rescue took the dog back from the family Ellen gave him to. On the TV show, Ellen in tears, pleaded with the agency to give the dog back to the family because they had bonded, and it was Ellen who messed up and not the family. The agency never did give the dog back, instead they adopted him out to someone else. It was pretty hard to watch, and obviously made an impact on my brain. I had visions of something like this happening if I asked to keep Digby. I decided that all rescues must have rules like that, so I really thought they might take him away if I told them I wanted to adopt him, because I would then be a "Foster Failure". I knew I couldn't ever foster again, that's what I told myself. And Digby belongs to them, so what would stop them from attempting to take him back?! I know that sounds ridiculous, but this is what kept replaying in my head all summer. I thought about just keeping him and ignoring the rescue place completely when they would call me to have him come to events, but I just wouldn't be able to look God in the eye one day if I did that. I also told myself that maybe there won't be anybody wanting him, and the the agency will just forget about me & Digby. Life just can't be that simple. Pretty soon they started calling me for all kinds of events. The rescue was stepping up their marketing plans. While I was on vacation, I decided that I was just going to have to bite the bullet and find out our fate. I made up my mind to call the agency when I got home see what happens. Of course, this wasn't even going to be that easy! Before I got home from SD, I found out someone wanted to meet Digby. I really panicked then. I waited to respond, then I decided I had to go for it anyway. I emailed them, cuz I am a big fat chicken, and asked if I could adopt him. I waited for a response on pins-n-needles. They finally did write back, and what they said surprised me and filled me with dread both at the same time. They told me that they had no problem with me adopting him, however there has been a family that has been waiting to meet him, and he is still eligible for adoption per the website, so they wanted to be fair to them also. I got the feeling though, right or not, that if they met him & like him, and also wanted to keep him, I could lose him to them. Total strangers to Digby. But I had to force myself to go through with what I started despite the strong urge to be old me and selfishly stop all contact and keep him. I took him to meet the people. They were very nice people, and obviously liked Digby right away. They also knew I wanted to keep him. Despite that little tidbit, they wanted to adopt him, of course I didn't find this out for several days after the Introduction. Usually the people let the rescue know with in 24 hours if they want the dog, so I had been worried for days. Then they call me at work one day, and asked me how I felt after meeting the family about Digby going with them? I burst into tears. I didn't know what else to do. I thought this meant he was gone. I couldn't stop crying, but I managed to answer the question anyway. I told them that I did not have a bad thing to say about the family, they were nice people, and they could take care of him just fine, but that does not change how I felt about Digby. We talked for a long time, me crying the whole time! When she got off the phone with me, she said that the agency has a big decision to make, and they would get back to me soon. Ok.... Wasn't sure what that meant. Several more days past until last Friday night. I heard the best message ever!! The lady said she wanted to talk to me, and that it was good news, plus I may want to change my answering machine! I though....what? No. I include the names of my two dogs on my machine so people don't think I live alone. I called, and that is when I heard it, I get to keep my dog! She also told me that she was so surprised that I thought they wouldn't let me adopt him. Turns out I can also still be a foster parent if I want to, ha! I told her the Ellen story, and we both had a good laugh over it. I could kick myself though. This could have turned out so much easier and better had I not let my paranoia get to me! Anyway, it really doesn't matter anymore, he's mine!

It's not letting me post the Ellen clip I was talking about, but you can find it on youtube. Iggy is the dog's name if you have to do a search.

( Post Groomin- why so pitiful Digby?)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Stay tuned, I do have stuff to say......................