Friday, December 31, 2010

I have hit a small snag with the latest site that I tried is Chemistry. I had heard that you can use this site dating site for free, but what they really meant is you can take the personality test for free and set up your profile. I didn't know I would have to pay until some dudes expressed some interest in me. Dang it! It is about $50 for one month, or you can spend 26.50 a month for a six month commitent. I am looking for commitment, I really am, but am I willing to pay for it? Sheesh. So here are some of the other experiences I have had with other sites:

* Match site: This is the first site I used forever ago. I think I started using it back in 2002. I met some interesting guys then. Keep in mind that I was 32 then. I also met Blair through that site. For those of you who don't know, he was my last love which ended about 7-8 years ago. The last guy to break my heart. It has been that long since I have remotely let anyone else in. I don't know how to meet guys out there in the world because I am more likely too terrified to try. I have tried Match on a trial basis since then, years later, but the quality of guys has greatly diminished since then.

*Eharmony site: I thought, ok this is a site that is used by a lot of Christian guys. However, I have to say this was the weirdest dating experience I have EVER had! I met a guy who prayed out loud, as loud as he possibly could in a crowed restaurant. He had a serial killer look on his face most of the time. Plus he seemed to enjoy telling me what I needed to order, and how to cut it and eat it. He also told me that it was ok to hit a woman if she hits first. The next guy lied about what he looked like, then had the audacity to have people steak me out to make sure I looked good. He actually gave them the thumbs up when he thought I wasn't looking! Another guy thought, who said he was a Christian mind you, to touch himself while talking to me on the phone...seriously! So, no more Eharmony.

* I think next I tried Christian Cafe. By this time, I may have been feeling pretty disenchanted by all this. Keep in mind, I did wait a great deal of time in between using these sites. On this site, the guys that I was interested in could care less. Instead I kept hearing from creepy old guys, who were a lot older than me. They could have been my dad.

* Plentyoffish site: I tried this one, because I was done paying for my dating experiences. It's a free site that a lot of people are using. I thought maybe there would be a good pool of people. I did have one really good date, but he ditched me after that, I think it is because I wouldn't go to his house after dinner. It WAS the first time I met him, sheesh. Most of the guys on this site were jobless, go figure! I even met a homeless man on the site. Not everyone was jobless or homeless, but there were several. I did meet a guy that I really liked. He was averagely cute. He liked my sense of humor. He had his own business, and he was an artist. He also had a checkered past. He was a product of child abuse, had been married 4 times, and had three children. Not to mention that he was addicted to porn. He had 2 dates before he told me that one. When it was evident that he wasn't going to do anything about this addiction, it was over. 

I will give Karen's suggestions a try before I decide to pay for a subscription anywhere. I was hopeful about Chemistry because they have a really high success rate. They were featured on 20/20. Anyway, I will need to see, and probably pray about it. Stay tuned.

Dating sites do not have to be it for dating advice though, so if you think of something, suggest it! Ask people you know. I am open.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Ok ladies, I am starting the new 2011 dating campaign!! And you all have to help me!! I am turning my blog into a dating advice column for me! I will ask advice in many types of situations, and what's more, I will try out all the advice no matter how scared I am or wacky it is. I will journal about all my adventures. If nothing else, should be fun and silly! I have not dated in sooo long, and I am tired of it. I can't figure out why I don't have a man in my life. I have tried the "I will wait for God method" for the  past year, and although God still needs to pick my guy, I am bored and lonely...let's just face it! I like my life now, I want someone to share it with me. So, ready to help me out?? OK! Let the advice begin, I can't wait to read what you will have me do first!!

Monday, December 27, 2010

In Digby's bed!

There's  a kid under that red Santa bag!
All the best parts of Christmas.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

You know you are in fact 40, when someone
you don't know very well tells you, you may be perimenposal!
When you are now required to get a mammogram.
When you take more than a multivitamin.
When kids look at you like you are insane.
When you can't wait to go home because you want to go to bed early.
When your hair stylists suggests you do something about your brow wrinkles.
When every bone in your body hurts when you wake up in the morning.
And when you have to stop saying things like "Up top!" (with hand raised up), cuz it just doesn't sound right coming from me.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

More Rambles and musings

It is exactly a year ago today that I did this. It is interesting to me to go back and read that post, all the hope I had, and the feeling of not really having the sense that I belonged. I look at where I am a year later, and am amazed! I didn't lose my house, right now  I am sitting here looking around at my Halloween decorations I just found in a box and put up. My house us clean, for me:), and looking so warm and homey. My dogs are happy. I love my new job. I just love love being here. It was quite a journey I put myself on, but one I must have needed to be on to appreciate all that I have now. And one that brought me to my current job and new aspects to my life. I don't have near the amount of stress I had before. People don't tell me I look tired all the time anymore. I hear more that I look rested and happy. Gotta like that. I am not saying my job isn't stressful at times, it is. Last week a kid actually slapped me across the face! I have NEVER experienced that before. The kid doesn't have much language except what he repeats, so this was his way of telling me he was angry. What I love is figuring out what this kid needs and putting things in place to help the staff help him. The small victories are priceless for me. I am able to work more 1 on 1 with these kids, which teachers can't, so I can really make a difference.

Going to school, or really the homework part, is not going as great as I hoped. Mostly because I can't seem to find the time to sit down and work on my paper. Cher, I need some inspiration from someone who did this WITH kids and a husband! I keep finding something else to finish up, then before I know it it is already 8 or 9pm and I am tired. I just need to kick it in the arse I guess.

I am happy to say I love that it is fall. I am ready for the cooler temps., loving football, and am looking forward to the season changes. I just colored my hair to my fall dark blond and am ready to embrace my white-as-butt skin! Fall, bring it on!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Wooo hooooo! It's officially Football season!!
I am especially happy about this for this season because I did not get to watch much Bronco Football last year.
Nor did I see the amount of coverage that we have here.
This year, it is all good, and all about the Broncos!!
Go Broncos!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Random thoughts by Chris:

  1. Why does it take the whole friggin weekend to clean my house?!

  2. I love love love my new job, so why do I feel weird about telling people that?

  3. I wanted so much to be the one that God used to save my brother's marriage, but when you pray about this sort of thing and wait.....guess what God answers you! Who knew? I am not going to be the one who does that, nor is it my job to try and reason with my sis-n-law. A lady from my church prayed for me one night, and she had more insight than what I told her, it really hit home. She told me sometimes our only job is to listen and ask questions, let God do the rest. I cried, but I know she is right. I have a phone date with my sister-n-law tomorrow night.

  4. How much hair does one dog have???!

  5. My yard looks like crap....just sayin.

  6. Ever been hit on by a 60+ something-year-old in Wal-Mart? I have. Recently even.

  7. Why do most of my headaches/migraines wait for the weekend to happen?

  8. Can you say bored?

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Prayers Please

My sister-n-law is walking away from the marriage.
Please pray that is can be reversed,
but if not that God can please turn this into good.
And pray for me, cuz I keep having strong urges to call someone someone and shake them.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Life Anew

Can't help but praise God here. He is really showing me how full my life can be here. How did I miss all of this before?? Anyway, I am enjoying my wart-filled house. I love doing something everyday day, however small or big to make it my special home. I love that my dogs are calm and happy. I have a space to call my own. Before, I would only see what was wrong and what I didn't have that others did have.

I am spending time with people who are my real friends. Now I know who are my real friends and who are not here. But I am also enjoying my alone time too. Not worrying about not always having something to do.

Today, I went to church. I got to work in the coffee bar, which is one of those things that God restored for me. It was like I haven't missed a beat. I love how appreciative people are for the simple service of providing coffee for them. At the end of the sermon today, they announced that they will be having a small group information meeting right after church. I thought, well here is my chance to see if anything has changed here with small groups. Before, I so wanted to be connected in the church, but there wasn't any groups available that drew me in. There was not a singles group formed at all. Only Married groups or women's groups that were really geared for women who were married. Anyway, I went and listened. They do have a small group for 20-30 somethings, but ahemmm I am now 40. The next singles group was for 50's and up. I am not sure if I can fit into the 20-30's group. Would that be weird if I go to that? Will everyone really be more in the 20's range? Other than that, not much else was offered. I am happy that they have formed a group that singles can be a part of. Oh, and I guess it isn't just singles, married people are a part of it too, which is great! More opportunity to meet people. So, I left feeling a little disappointed, and fought a tear, but shook it off. I decided I would at least email the coordinator of groups and ask if I was too "old" to go to this group. I went back to the coffee bar to finish cleaning up. I kept thinking to myself, God will figure this out. It wasn't long when this girl came up top me and asked if I remembered her. Her name is Vicki, and I worked with her through a District partnership. I didn't know her well, but I do know she is a sweet person and a true Christian. She started coming to this church a few months ago. She said she saw me sitting in the small group meeting. I told her about feeling weary about going to the small group for 20-30's because I just turned 40. She said she didn't think I should disregard it, because well, I don't really act like I am 40;) Had to laugh at that one, cuz well, I get that a lot. There is a get together tomorrow night with the whole group, and she is going. We agreed to go together for support. I had to smile, because God knows me so well. He knows I needed some help to get me there. So, I will see how it goes.

I start working with my Special Needs kids this week, and I am so excited to get started. Here's to a great week, everyone!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I have had the worst time deciding what to write. There really has been a lot happening, so every time I sit down to write to you. I get Karen's writers block. I really can't wait to be writing just ordinary everyday things, and not life changers or sad stories. But, I know you all deserve to know what has happened since I came back to CO, and if I am happy still about my move. So, I will tell this in short categories:

House: What I saw when I drove up in my driveway was a whole lot of weeds and neglect. It made me sad, but more happy to see it that I ever thought I would be. Weeds and all( and when I say weeds, I am talkin tall weeds all over the front AND backyard). I cried, and couldn't get out of my car for a while. My house!! I have vowed that I will love my house despite all it's short comings and the short comings of the nongardner who lives in it. So, even though I am not near where I need to be with the unpacking and things are a mess still. I love being home!

Dogs: Everyone, including me, thought my dogs would go crazy with happiness when they saw they were home. But they really didn't. I have noticed more subtle things about their behavior that have told me they know they are where they belong. Rooby has been calmer, for her that is. Millie is also more relaxed, but she is also funny. She does this thing with her head when she is being silly. She throws her head back as if she is laughing. She also started doing something she only does here at her house. She does this little hop when she comes in from the back yard. It's so cute! And how did Digby show me he is home? He didn't pee anywhere in the house.:)

Work/friends: My friend Yvonne came over the very night I drove back to CO. I didn't know she would be over, so a good surprise. Every day now for a month someone has told me they are so glad I am back. Makes me feel really good. It is weird that I am no longer a Supervisor, and I know there are plenty of people talking. I just keep trying to say how excited I am for my new role to start. I really am excited. I have come to realize that I was not liking the person I was a lot of the time while doing that job. I liked small aspects of the job, several superficial. I also know that I do not need that kind of pressure and stress in my life. God is showing me that I can really make more a difference in Special Ed. working with kids that don't really have a voice. I will feel less weird about everything once I can stop explaining myself, and dive into my new job. The people in my new department are great. Some I have worked with before. They are a tight group, but are good to each other and have a lot of fun whenever they are together. I really have a had a great time reconnecting with people since I have been back.

School: As part of me getting this new job, I have to finish my Masters. You would think that would be no problem, just sign back up for school and finish. Not if you are me and accustomed to sabotaging your circumstances. Technically I should have to start all over. Many of my classes I have taken are really old. I have 4 withdrawals and I am sure they have added a few more classes since I last took classes from this University. I checked into possibly transferring credits and going to another school. I would love to take classes just online if I could. But I found out that it is not that easy when you are in Grad. School as opposed to undergrad. Any accredited school will only take 6 credits from the former school. 6 stinkin credits!
   * Update- I can finish my Masters through the school I started in. I can't take classes online, but I don't have to register or pay for my old classes if I come to campus. I think I can handle that! I only have to take one new class. I will finish next summer '11. Just waiting to be accepted into their system!

I am going to post this as is, cuz I have other things to write about. I saw how long it has been since I last posted! Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They really got me through. Here's to a new much better normal!


Sunday, June 27, 2010

Yet another circle?

So, I think most of you know that I am moving back to Colorado Springs. I am sad that I couldn't make things work here, and am going to miss my family and friends here more than they know. But at the same time, I am so excited to go back! I can't wait for my second chance in the Springs to begin. I have learned a lot about myself during this long ordeal of my own making. I know I haven't shared much about how the getting back to the Springs thing all came about. So, here is the short of it: 

Back in April, I read on Fb that my job was open again. One of the Supervisor's was having their baby soon, and wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom, so the girl that took my job switched to a 10 month position leaving my old job wide open. I had been missing Colorado and all the people there I left behind greatly around that time, knowing that I had made a huge mistake leaving. I called one of my old bosses, who has always been my mentor, to get the skinny. I really wasn't thinking when I made the call that this could be my opportunity to come back, I just wanted to know what happened. She told me why there was the vacancy, then proceeded to beg me to come back. I couldn't help but get excited about the idea, really excited! Really, there could be a chance?? I hadn't let it enter my mind that I could ever go back in a million years. She also told me that 2 people that made my life miserable had left. Well, one had left a while ago, the other one (you might recall that VP of HR guy who prided himself at being an ass) was set to retire in May. She asked me to call Janice, who was my most recent boss, to see if there was a chance. So, after praying over it with the help of Karen and Trevor, and talking to Carey who had an interesting perspective on the whole thing, I decided to call. I talked with Janice, and she was excited about the idea of me coming back. She told me she would talk to HR, and didn't think there would be a problem, even though I wasn't so confident of that. Janice called me back in a couple of days, and said that there were no road blocks to me coming back. All I had to do is send in my current resume, and I would need to interview in about a week. I did that, and I waited.

I waited awhile longer than I expected with no word. I finally emailed Janice asking what was happening. She wrote me back and said that they decided that they had to interview in house applications first, since the notice was sent out in house only at that time. I could interview after that, should be another week.

Another week went by and nothing. I waited almost 2 weeks before contacting Janice again by email. The email shot back that she was at a conference for another several days, so still waiting. When she came back, she told me that the interviewing process was being delayed due to conferences and vacations, but I should hear something soon. I started to really worry at this point. While I was waiting this whole time, I knew I had to make some decisions about my house and my job here. If I did get the job in CO, I needed to have a moving van booked early enough, and I wanted to give proper notice. I was hoping to give them a month to find a teacher for my classroom. Plus, my house was in danger of going back to the bank at this point, if truth be known. So, I started the work to get my house back just in case, thinking I could just give the deed to the bank if the whole thing goes bust. I was also looking for jobs here and houses to rent, like I have been doing for months now. I was able to get my house back in good standing, but still needed the job!

After another few weeks of waiting and worrying, I started to crack up slightly. No one from CO was talking anymore. I was getting no information at all, and not as much encouragement as I was before. This wasn't feeling right at all. But I also wasn't getting a firm no either. Actually was getting nothing.

One night, I just lost it. Not only was it now  June, but my window to give 2 weeks notice or more was closing in. I panicked, and actually called Janice on her cell phone. I am sure it was apparent by my message that I was upset, I can't hide my emotions very well. I simply asked that if the answer really was no, that someone just needs to tell me, I just need to know. She didn't call me back that night, so another day of waiting.

I finally got a call from her, and what she told me was there was bad news and good news. The bad news was that HR ( namely Ron) and the CEO would not support me coming back as a Supervisor. Officially speaking because there were good in house candidates for the job and I have left the agency twice. Unofficially because Ron didn't want me back in that role because he would have to "deal" with me. He had also decided to stay on another year to help get the agency through another Federal Review. He would, however support me going back as as Teacher, which I know he thinks is really funny and sticking it to me. My lady's in CD though fought for me hard. As a result, it was clear there was no budging as far as me coming back as a Supervisor, but they conceded at letting me come back as an ECSE, Special Ed. Janice asked if I would be interested. I was disappointed at first. Guess I thought I would be able to have a real do-over. Step back into my old life I selfishly gave up and make things right. I thought I really did love that job, I was good at it. Then I thought about it, and prayed. The more I did that the more I started to see that this may be what God has always wanted for me all along. I had several opportunities to be an ECSE in the past, but because I wasn't really wanting to go back to school I went in other directions. Plus, I liked that I had some power and influence in my position as Supervisor. I was respected, whether I felt it was deserved or not. But I am also good at working with Sp Ed kids. Kids that teachers are afraid of and don't want to understand because their plates are so full as it is. Whenever i have a chance to work with these kids, it is so rewarding. Not to mention, I can do my own thing without fear of doing something politically wrong. I don't have to be the bad guy, or swallow my principles to keep my job. So, I accepted the job! Now, I can't wait to get started! I still have to complete my License and re-enroll in school, so still have a few steps to go, but I can finally feel the weight lifting off of me. I did find out that Ron pulled some tricks to derail me getting interviewed, so it wasn't just vacations and such that delayed this process. Anyway, I feel happy for the first time since this whole thing started 9 months ago! I feel like me again. 

I can't wait to see my weed infested house!!! I can't wait to see the mountains again! I can't hardly stand how excited I am!! With all that though, I am so sad that I couldn't make it work here. Sad to leave my family, who are really sad to see me go. My brother even tried to find me a job in Buffalo to keep me here. I will greatly miss my friends here too so much, and their awesome kids. I am vowing to make more visits here happen once I am back on my feet. And hopefully some of you will come visit me too.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


The dogs, at least the big ones have been banished.
They are rebelling, they know this isn't their home, so things have been happening.
One thing after another.
Millie even growls at my roommate, who has been very good to her. 
So, Rooby & Millie will be going back to live with my mom. 
They aren't much happier at her house either. 
Similar things were happening there too. 
So much for having them with me.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

If I could go back, would I? Yes.

It was all a big mistake. I listened to the wrong voice. I stepped outside of his will. I didn't wait for doors to open or close. I just left. I packed up my life and I ran. I convinced myself that God was pulling me in this direction back where I thought I would be protected and safe. Things got hard, and I ran. That is what I do, and that is what I did. Did I feel the pull to come here, yes I did. But I didn't wait to find out who the pull was coming from. I didn't wait to find out if this was a God plan for me. I know when God wants you to do something he will open the right doors, and he will clear the path. I didn't want to wait for him to show me if the doors would be open for me or if they would be closed, because I didn't want to be a grown up and deal with the life I had, a life that was not that bad turns out. I guess I thought that God knows what I will do even if it is the wrong thing, and he will use it for good. I just didn't anticipate learning this kind of lesson. From the moment I arrived in SD, it has felt wrong. I brushed it off for awhile and focused on finding a job. But no matter what work I found or where I found to lived, it was all wrong. Several people have wanted to know why I can't just appreciate what I now have and move forward, well I have tried. You might not see that, but I have. I just keep running into road blocks and I can't shake the feeling that I took the wrong road. I can't shake it. 

So, now I see where I went wrong. The same thing I struggle with all the time, and that is trust. I didn't have it. I didn't trust God to show me. I didn't want to wait around. I had to have control. When I was in CO, no jobs were presenting themselves to me in SD. My house was not getting any traffic, nor did it sell once I left. I struggled to find a job I could live off of. I couldn't, and still can't find a place of my own that I can keep my dogs. I have cost my mom more money than I ever want to really think about. I had decided that if this was truly a God thing, things would just happen. The path would just open up. It never did. Instead it continues to feel wrong. I listened to this weeks sermon by Dr. Stanley from In Touch Ministries today, and it really hit home. He basically said when you step outside his will for you, everything you have turns to ash. My life is full of ashes, that is how I feel. I have experienced Gods will for me in the past, and it is much different than what is happening now.

So, if I have a chance for a do over, yes I will take it. Recently my old job has opened back up in CO. I will be interviewing for it. My house is still there waiting for me. The people in my old job that were making life difficult have left the agency. This time though, even though I want to book a moving van and run back to CO right now, I will wait. I am 100 % waiting on God as hard as that is for me. If he truly wants me back there, he will open those doors. If not they will be closed forever. I will wait. I am waiting.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Hi from the removed.

After 6 months here in SD, things are slowly getting better. I just wish my attitude would keep up. Some time ago I started to run out of my happy pills, so I had to stagger them to keep myself from completely losing it. As a result I have been emotionally up and down. One minute laughing and hopeful, the next sad and hopeless. When things weren't going my way, instead of thinking about what is going right, I sunk lower into depression. My anxiety level at work is not good right now. I work in a program that is difficult to keep a normal routine going, which causes my kids to get pretty crazy, to put it nicely, which causes my anxiety to spike. I feel out of control, and am questioning my ability to be a teacher. Nothing I know to do seems to work when things get like this with the kids. I am frustrated. When I get frustrated I also feel down on myself. It is currently a vicious cycle. To make it worse, I have officially ran out of the happy pills. My emotions are even more erratic. Pile on the fact that I haven't had a normal bed until just this week, so I have had weekly migraines and severe neck and back pain. I haven't been keeping in touch very well, mostly because I feel sooooo negative. Who wants to talk to a person like that. Things are suppose to be rosy by now. I haven't seen my friend here much either. It has been hard because I had to go back to Belle every weekend since early March because my mom has been taking care of my dogs. I had to live in a motel for a month, and couldn't have my dogs. Living in the motel, although humiliating at first, turned out to be an ok situation. The people that owned it were amazing people. Just couldn't sleep there because of paper thin walls. My dog Millie has been experiencing anxiety since I have been gone, so my mom has had to clean up messes almost every day because of it. So, I would feel guilty staying in RC when mom has had to deal with my dog all week. Now I am here more often, dogs are with me, but I am in deep with depression. Everytime, I feel like calling someone, I just can't because I know I won't have many positive things to say, just so down on myself. So, this weekend I hung out in RC by myself, trying to get myself to snap out of it. 

Things that are starting to go right: My brother was here this week and helped me to switch my roomate's futon for my bed. I thought that futon was going to kill me. I saw a chiropracter Saturday, so my neck is getting much better. I am sleeping better, but still getting up for some reason in the middle of the night, have I started a habit? I really haven't had good sleep since I moved to SD. I am not a pseron who can function on erratic sleep. I do think sleep will continue to get better now. I am staying with a co-worker in her house temporarily. It is weird that the only space I have is my room, the rest is all her's, her things. What is good though, is she is letting me have my dogs here even though she has two cats. She is accomodating and nice. We get along so far. I just fear that I will inadvertanely do something to hurt this arrangement. I am accident prone, and this has gotten me in trouble in the past. So far I have accidently broken a drawer in the kitchen and broke a shade in my bedroom. I DON'T TRY to do these things. I wasn't being reckless on either occassion. Still she has been cool about things. I am living here on a month-to-month basis until I find my own place and roomate. I just recently got health insurance, so now I have to try and get an appointment that works with my work schedule. Anytime off needs to be requested  3 weeks inadvance, plus I don't have leave time until August. So, I am hoping I can get a late Dr. appointment so that I can finally get those happy pills. It sucks to know that I am a lifer, dependant on drugs to make me a normal person. I do know that i don't like this person I am at the moment. Here's to hoping that my next post will sound much much better.     

PS: Sorry about my spelling. Don't seem to have spell check on my blogger anymore, nor do I have a dictionary at my disposal;)

Wednesday, February 03, 2010


I am sitting here staring at the screen, not sure where to start.
So much has happened and not happened in the last 4 months, I just can't......
There were times here and there when I found a chance to write in the blog, but couldn't.
Kind of sucks to be seen crying in the Library.
And crying is what I do when I unload everything on you.
My blog has always been my outlet.
One good thing though, I wasn't then able to throw up on you and all over the screen.
At this point the best way I can sum up the last four months is the word

It just feels like everything I was, am, and thought I wanted or was going to have here has been slowly stripped off of me.
I know this isn't really a bad thing, and when I come out the other side, and I will, I will be what and where I am suppose to be.
It's just being stripped hurts.
A lot.
While looking for more work, I have been reflecting on my life and where I hope to go from here.
I guess, now that I don't have a "career", I never knew how much you wrap yourself into having a career.
So much of your identity is intertwined in what you do for a living whether you love it or not.
I have been surprised at how humiliated I feel sometimes when I am asked why I left my job, and the look on peoples face when I tell them I haven't landed a career here yet.
Of course, it is likely I interpret a look that may not really be there.
I sometimes feel embarassed when I tell people that I am tutoring right now and haven't been able to find another part time job, and I have been trying.
Then there is the rejection.
I have applied for several serious jobs here, and have been passed over.
Sounds weird to say this, but that has never happened to me before!
I have always gotten any job I have set out for.
So it is hard keeping the old spirits up somedays.

I do have up days though, which is why I made myself write today.
Whenever I go for a walk at Canyon Lake Park, like I did today, I feel really hopeful and happy.
It's like the life I envisioned is just so close....
I can see it, even if I can't touch it,

Monday, January 11, 2010

New update:
I miss blogging.

I miss reading your blogs.

Things have been wonderful/and very difficult.

I quit the Insurance job today. I was asked if I was passionate about insurance, and ya know what? I'm not! My boss was much more difficult to work with than I thought, and I didn't completely change the course of my life to put up with all that again for a job that is just a job for me. Still tutoring though.

Still working on trying to get that Professional Training job. Was able to finally send videos of me, so that should help.

I may be selling my house this week....PRAY!!!! I do have somene interested & could see an offer. 

It actually has been fun living with my mom, even though she doesn't live in RC, which would make the whole job thing easier for me. We really have been bonding and connecting,  love it!

Downside: my dog bit off part of my mom's dog's ear this weekend. I FELT BEYOND HORRIBLE. I can't properly explain why, but this sort of thing has been happening in one form or another since I moved back here. I am so tired of feeling like I am a burden on people. 

Looking for another part-time job until I find the real thing. The coffee shop idea has been resurfacing for some reason. Hmmmm, will someone please tell me what I am going to be when I grow up???

Again, I miss you all.