Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
As you have read before, I often go through this feeling of being alone every so often. I have hesitated writing about it this time, because from experience, I know people can get sick of hearing about it. Just be HAPPY already! I have even lost friends in part because of my reoccurring depression. The thing is, I have made a lot of choices in my life to not be alone. I have moved states to not be alone. I have tried to keep a bad boyfriend to not be alone. I have kept certain friends just to not be alone. But here I am anyway. Alone. I have been spending a lot of time on my own for the last couple of months. I like being on my own much of the time, but I need to have a social outlet. I need it! And I don't have that anymore except at work. But now my life consists of: work, home, work, home, etc. I do not have close friends here anymore. I am trying to find ways to make friends, but I lack the talent Karen has:). It's hard for me. Now, because I didn't want to alone, I have no family near me for support. My best friends are far away. I miss my social outlets with people that really do care about me. I love reading all my blog friends stories about their lives, but it has been making me feel so envious. I want what you guys have so much. But because I tried so hard to not be alone, it turns that alone is where I am at anyway.
Now, I know I have some great things going for me. And I do hold out hope that it won't always be this way. I try not to just sit on my butt and take it. I started going to a new church that I hope that I will get more entrenched in. Pray for me to find a way to serve. I started playing golf again, and will be taking lessons out at Ft. Carson in May, a women's clinic. Pray that I can make some friends. I keep going to the dog park, and try to talk to people. Pray that Millie stops chewing on their dogs! I have gardening to do. I now have money to work on my backyard. I have stuff going for me. I just hate that I am doing so many things alone. The joy and solitude I use to feel is fading. Ok, Before you say anything, yes I know God is with me. I am grateful for that, believe me. I think I have stopped blaming him for my aloneness. I know that he is still redirecting my life away from people who are not good for me, and eventually, I hope, towards people who are. But, why does this holding period feel like it is going to take forever! I need some boosts here my friends. I need to feel your hugs from across the Internet waves. Thank you for being there, even so far away.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
I tried another new church today, and I actually came out with a smile. I went to Springs Calvary Church. It is fairly new, so therefore small, but the church has a comfy feeling about it. It has a small congregation, but with a nice variety of young and old. The only problem I could see right away is that it lacks in color diversity. But you can't win them all. The sermon was great. The pastor did a nice job of really diving deep into the background of the verse we were going over today. He made it very interesting and funny at the same time. They also have the contemporary live christian band that I love having in a church service. They have a ways to go as far as what they offer for small groups, but they do have an Adult Study that meets Wed. nights. I like that if they don't have anything specifically for singles, they also don't have a group just for marrieds. All Adults meet together. I like that fact that I could possibly get to know a variety of people. And bonus, I already know a few people there. One of my teachers, and a former teacher of mine go there with their husbands. So, I am thinking that I will return for awhile and see where this takes me.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Dear sweet increasingly misunderstood Millie. Millie has been with us for 10 months now. She has really calmed down a lot since she first came here, but I keep learning new things about her, and have to adjust how I do things to be able to counteract her newest quirk. This last time that I went home, I took both dogs again because it went so well last time. Only this time I decided not to give her Benadryl . Things did go well for a while, except for the day I had her at my mom's new house. We were there to bring things over and to meet my cousin who was taking the Kids playhouse that was left behind by the previous owners. He brought his little girl with him, who likes dogs and is use to being around them. Mom and I were inside eating lunch with my dogs. Arin came in too and started playing with Rooby, and as per Rooby's MO, she started using her load "play-with-me" puppy bark. This confuses Millie, I've seen her reaction at the dog park. Millie thinks that Rooby is in trouble and needs protection. She immediately starts barking, and not a playful bark, a serious one. She then advances. Millie did this with Arin. I grabbed her right away and had to keep her by my side the whole time Arin was in the house. I was really worried that she would bite Arin, although I really can't see Millie actually biting anyone. She doesn't bite other dogs at the dog park, but she does do a herding move that looks like she is biting, but she is nipping and pushing the dog away from Rooby. This worried me though, because she wouldn't stop barking. Once we were back home in CO, I was dog sitting Bubba and Dell. Liz can over to pick them up. Millie has stayed at Liz's house a couple of times. But when they came in, Rooby started her excited barking, and Millie went into her aggressive mode again. I had to hold her the whole time. The weird part was that Liz let her smell her hand and petted her, and Millie licked her and continued to bark at her at the same time. At the dog park, Millie has to be on her leash much if the time. She is getting better at times, but I have to talk her through an encounter with a dog. I know that I must not be doing something right when people come over, some how I am not acting dominant enough or something, I don't know. Does anyone know what I should be doing? Millie is really so sweet, and I know that she thinks she needs to protect her family, but I need her to learn that difference between playing and someone attacking us. You know, without someone actually attacking us!;)
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Every year Karen and I have tried to keep this tradition going. I think it has been going on since College, right? Anyway, we surprise each other with a Cream Egg. Some years we, or I, have forgotten. I got one from Karen this year, and I totally wasn't expecting it! Thank you for putting a smile on my face today, it was a great surprise. Yours is in the mail!;)
This past week was really good for me, and my mom. Even though my mom was sick with Bronchitis the whole week, we worked hard on this house to get it ready for sale. It was good bonding time for my mom and I, and I got to say goodbye to some good childhood memories. The front yard tree, is my tree that we planted when I was pretty little, like 5 or 6 years old I think. Mom worked very hard to make this house as cute as it is now. It has been a labor of love. Plus, it is the house that has been in our family the longest, and really the best childhood memories I think I have had were here. We moved a lot growing up, so this house is special. I lived here when I was 5 or 6 until the 4th grade before moving to Rapid. Then, after I graduated from high school, mom and Brook moved back to this very house in Spearfish. Mom has lived here every since. But now, it is time for my mom to live out her dream by moving to her own property with her horses. This has been a difficult time for my mom. She has been trying since December to get this house ready for sale while working on her new place. The whole process has been very overwhelming, I know I have mentioned that before. Brook tries to help when he can, although graduating from college is a very important priority right now. She has received help here and there, but it hasn't been enough. I have been getting worried about my mom, because she is a very hard worker and tends to push herself too much when she has a goal. She has been sick too often if you ask me, and attempting to do too much by herself. So, I decided to come home for Spring break to help her out. It was hard work but so rewarding. I was surprised to find out that the day I was due in Spearfish, mom got Bronchitis! So, we took it easy the first day, but you can't keep my mom down when she wants something done. We worked everyday until Thurs. when there happened to be a blizzard! My goal was to get that house done, which we nearly accomplished! All that was left when I went to Rapid was to clear out her shed and replace door knobs. I am glad that mom and I had this time together even though she was sick. And I feel rewarded for all we accomplished. So, goodbye little house. I hope the next people who live in you love you as much as we did.