Friday, November 24, 2006

Here I sit next to my little pooch, Millie. She is laying next to me like she is in this picture next to the Teddy. She is what I am most thankful right now. This is Millie's first Thanksgiving with us, and I couldn't be happier about it. It just makes me feel so good that she is in a warm happy place now, as oppose to where she was just a year ago. This is what her day was like: much playing in the backyard with Rooby; barking at the neighbors; digging a forbidden hole; game of chase-Rooby-as-she-catches -all-the-balls; canned turkey and beef dinner; and a pig ear for dessert. I just love my dogs and I am so thankful for them. They make my life sweet! I am also thankful for all my friends, blog friends and family. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And here is to many more for Millie!!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The power of prayer.

Sometimes, ok often, I forget how powerful prayer can be. We all know that many times God is answering, but it isn't the answer we want quite often. But when what you have been praying for actually's nothing short of amazing. I have been praying for my mom & brother for years. I really started praying hard for my brother in college. I have always prayed for my mom, but more so in recent years. Back in college, Brook was nearing the bottom of the rock. Ok, so he found the rock at the bottom! My brother has really work his way up from there. He is almost finished with an Engineering Degree from the School of Mines. He will graduate this Spring!! We were afraid he would never go to college, but thank God, he did! Brook has accepted a job in Boise, Idaho!!! He also gets married to a great girl, Allison in June! I am so proud of my baby brother, he really has come along way. As for my mom, sometimes I think that my mom believes that she isn't suppose to receive good things. She has had a lot of disappointments in life, and it seems to me that she more likely than not passes on her dreams. In recent years, I have seen my mom change towards a more positive outlook. She has been allowing herself to be happy in her own life. This past year, my mom bought a new horse, Mudd. He is beautiful and so sweet. unfortunately, because of some family issues, she was unable to keep Mudd at our Grandparents. So, mom had to drive in opposite directions to take care of her two horses. This was taking a tole to say the least. Mom started to dream more & more about finding her own property big enough for a house & a barn to keep her horses on. She really wants to be self sufficient in this way. For quite awhile, she looked at properties and did fall in love with a few places. She came to realize, however, that it was going to be more difficult to afford her dream. At a certain point, she did give up on it. Through this whole time, I kept encouraging her, and told her that I would pray about it. Those of you who know me well, know how hard it is for me to even say that to people, say anything spiritual. But, I am trying. Mom is respectful of my spiritual views, but does not believe God has good things for her. This is my perception, just to be clear. Anyway, I told mom that I believed that something good was going to happen whether that means that she is suppose to buy her property or something else was going to happen, and that I would keep praying. I encouraged her to not give up, but I didn't know what she would do after this conversation. Well, she called me this week with some news. She made a bid for a property & it was accepted!!!! Now, it isn't perfect. Mom had to re-evaluate what she was looking for. She settled on 6 acres of land with a run down trailer & a shed. Clearly it is going to take some work, but mom's got it all worked out. Her plan is to put a barn on the property and fix the fencing. Also to fix up the trailer to make it livable before she sells her house and moves in. Then she is going to sell the trailer as she is building her house. She has it all worked out, and I think she is very smart about it all! The power of prayer!!!!!!!

Friday, November 10, 2006

You Are An ISFJ
The Nurturer
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Not a great pic of me, I don't have very many pictures of myself! Oh well, I'll get over it. I have been putting off writing about this subject cuz I feel like such a baby when I talk about this. Mostly because I know I have a good life. But unfortunatley this is something that I deal with on a daily basis. I am pretty much the only single person I know anymore. And truth be known, I hate it. I feel like I am on the outside looking in all the time. I can't participate in many conversations with my friends because I don't have anything to contribute to the subject matter. This is my worst fear come true over and over again. I can be alone, I have done it for a long time, but I have NEVER wanted to be alone. My best friends know where this comes from. I see the big picture as fars at what God wants for me, but I still don't appreciate it. Why does it have to be me that has to learn the "joys" of learning how to stand on my own two feet. Why can't I belong to a team like so many of my friends. Why is it that I have to go through life all on my own when all my friends have someone to go through life with. Someone to grow spiritually with. Someone to lean on, to cry with, to laugh with. Now I know that relationships are hard and it is no fairy tale. I also know I am suppose to learn to be happy on my own, that God wants me to lean on him right now. I get that, but I don't have to like it. I feel so isolated much of the time. My friends have families or boyfriends that come first, and I feel like I have to wait around sometimes for people to want to hang out with me. I sit at home way to often because everyone is busy living their lives. I don't have any single friends, so what I go out by myself? I'm sorry but I would rather stay home than do that. I am not a dine-out-alone type of girl. I don't go to movies by myself either, Can't do it. I know how pathetic this all sounds, and I am not looking for sympathy. I just need to get it out once in awhile. Most of the time I am ok with my situation, but it does get the best of me sometimes. I hate that my friends sometimes feel sorry for me, so when we do go out they feel the need to push me onto guys. They don't even know how obvious they are. I feel embarrassed that I can't get a guy on my own apparently, and when things like this happens I just feel like a loser. I know that my friends love me & they want me to be happy, but this doesn't help. I just hate being left behind, and that is truthfully how I feel quite often. Wow, I guess I let the flood gates open here. Sorry, don't mean to bum anyone out here. I just get so angry sometimes that I have to be the only one alone. That is how I feel. I know everyone feels alone at times even when they are married, I know that. I just...... I guess I don't know what else to say. I'm frustrated that's all. I want to walk through life with someone who is truly meant for me. I don't want to sit at the kids table anymore. I don't want to be on the outside looking in.