Saturday, December 22, 2007

Merry Christmas everybody!

Karen gave me the idea when she said she got a snow flake on her toes. I just had these put on my thumbs, the rest is red. I am sooooooo tired of always having crappy nails, especially when I go home and am going to be seeing my old friends. So, after feeling horrible about them all through Thanksgiving break, I vowed to have them done for Christmas! I am just hoping they last. I haven't quite figured out how to be still afterwards, you can tell I am typing. I so want to be a girl, but on these kinds of things, the tomboy in me peeks out! Anyway Karen, hope you don't mind. They make me think of you when I look at them, so if you do mind...tough!;)-

Now, more importantly, I hope all of you have a very special Christmas. And we all remember to keep him in the season. Merry merry Christmas, and have a Happy and safe New Years!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Is it weird that I cried when I put my new bed together? My first what I call, "grown-up" bed. I was sitting there looking at my headboard, and started crying. I realized at first that I was happy. Happy that I bought this beautiful bed on my own, happy that I put it together by myself, happy knowing that I worked hard to pay it off. So, I dried my tears and finished up. But before I knew it I was really crying. Crying because I was also sad. Sad because I put together my bed by myself, sad I made another significant purchase without my husband. I am glad that I had God to help me with the whole thing. He definitely helped me put it together, cuz if he wasn't I would have threw a few fits. I am also glad that he held my hand through my tears. And now I have a beautiful new "grown-up" bed.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

It's been awhile, it feels like since I wrote anything. So, a few updates about what has been going on with me in the last week. I went to my first Women's Bible Study from my church last Thursday night. Of course, I was late! I got lost trying to find it. But it was great, just like in church, everyone welcomed me in without overwhelming me. I recognized many of them from church, and a few of the ladies I had met last Sunday were there. My teacher, who I supervise was there, along with a former teacher of mine. So, there were enough people there I knew to make me not as freaked out. We talked about Christmas Traditions, which was very interesting since my family doesn't have very many, and those we do center around food. All in all, I felt like this is the right place for me to be. I look forward to actually getting to know these incredibly sincere amazing women. I am baking cookies this weekend for the lady who works for the Mission. I don't get to bring the cookies to the Mission myself, because when they are going I will be at work, which is a bummer. But I at least feel like I am doing something good outside of me. Jan talked to me again about the Craft Group, and me and my two teachers were laughing about our silly projects that we could bring, for example I have three coats with buttons hanging on their threads that I just don't fix because I am lazy! But I really do think I want to learn how to knit, so it will be fun.

The next big event for me is I have been planning my Wine and Appetizers Party for a while now, and it is just right around the corner! Next Tuesday night! Yikes! There has been so much going on, that I haven't written you all about it. I will break it all down for you, and welcome any suggestions that I have missed, since I am not an experienced party planner by any means. Karen really gave me the inspiration for what I am doing after reading about one of her parties she gave in Bama. So, here goes. Like I said it is Wine and Appetizers, with some Silpada Jewelry mixed in! I love Silpada parties because they don't put on stupid presentations or games. There is no pressure to buy. They bring a display of many of the best pieces, and you get to try and wear anything you want! The rest of the time you mingle and have fun. Towards the end they do ask if anyone wants to buy anything, and if several do, I get some free jewelry for being the hostest with the mostest! My favorite part!:) Anyway, I loved loved the bamboo wine plates Carey got Karen for her burfday, so I went and bought some green ones for my party. They are perfect, because I don't have a lot of places to sit, so several people will have to stand. I also bought some new wine glasses from World Market, I didn't have a set. Oh, and I got some really cool magnet Europe inspired Wine Charms. They go with my Europe picture wall in the Dining Room. Now the Appetizers part of the party. I picked several easy recipes from my 5 Ingredients/3 Easy Steps cook book. Recipes include: White Pizza Dip w/French Bread, Monterey Jack's Dip served with chips, Quick Mix Dip served with Veges, Sausage Balls, Olive Cheese Balls, Tumbleweeds (dessert), and Red Hot Christmas Punch. I will be adding more little desserts on my own. I only have about 8 people coming. I split each of the recipes up in twos, meaning there will be teams of two people bringing ingredients and making the recipes together. It is all a surprise. I handed out cards with half of the recipe on each. They don't know who they are making it with, or what they are making. I will work out a schedule so each team has a time slot to make their recipe. This way, we have a continuous flow of apps throughout the night. So, what do you think? Seriously, what do you think! I have lots still to do. I need to reorganize my newly painted office, clean clean clean, and get my schedule written. Did I mention I need to clean? And do some shopping? And I am sitting here writing this blog?! Yikes, I really need to get going.
But before I do, I just wanted to say that yesterday, as you may know, was Sue's funeral. Karen, I was there in spirit, but it killed me to not be there. My mom was suppose to go in my place, but the prospect of bad weather scared her so she didn't go. I haven't called, because I am trying to keep a respectful distance. I know Karen has much to deal with right now. I am missing you though. I know you are getting through this, and you have support. I am thinking and praying for all of you.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I will miss you Sue. Until we meet again.....

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Another Church Story
I walked into church a little mad at myself for once again being late for the before church prayer and the divvying up of serving tasks.
I haven't made it once for this.
But, I am early for church when this happens, so that's good.
I was, however feeling like I am still looking in.
So, I made myself go stand by myself in the hall where everyone is coming in. Before I could get my prayer out to God, someone approached me.
This someone happened to be the Pastor's wife.
Instantly, she started taking me around and introducing me to several ladies in the church.
Before I knew it I was accepting all these invitations!
Some of which you will laugh at, like the crafty group I said I would be a part of:) Ha!
Why did I say yes to that?
I guess I just so badly want to get to know these people, I will almost say yes to anything.
I also found myself telling this nice lady that I will help her bake cookies to give out to the Mission.
I was invited to join a Women's group that meets once a month on Thursdays.
I think I am the most excited about this prospect.
They meet this Thursday night.
I was invited to a coffee thing tonight for new people at the Pastor's house, but I am not going to make it to this one sadly.
I think I overwhelmed myself today.
So, cookies, ladies and knitting (they're going to teach me) for now.
God is really moving.
I have never been to a church so welcoming before.
I love it!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Bobbi made this for me, and one for Karen. I just had to share it, because it is so pretty and unique! She said she used the inspiration of my coffee shop for the design. I can hardly wait to wear it there! Thank you Bobbi for being you.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My time with Sue and Karen

I was worried. I was worried that I wouldn't get there soon enough. I was worried about Karen getting through each day. I was worried that I wouldn't be a good enough friend, meaning that I wouldn't know what Karen needed the most when I was there. I still worry. But my time there was precious to me. Thanksgiving to me was more than wonderful. I know it was a stressful time for Karen, but she really pulled off the day with love and grace. The food was incredible! That girl can cook! I can't say enough about Champagne Turkey. I was honored to share the day with Sue, who was awake for much of it, and able to talk a little. Mostly, I know she listened hard to all that was going on around her. I am happy that my mom was able to come and share the day also, and very glad she finally got to meet this amazing woman. I know Sue made an impact on her, like she does with everyone she comes into contact with. The follow days were hard. Sue was pretty worn out from all the activity, and was asleep and didn't wake up much by the time I would make it over to the house. But on the last day I was there something truly amazing happened. It was a hard and difficult day to say the least. This was Tuesday, Karen wrote about much of the day in her blog, so you know it wasn't a good day. But when Larry, the pastor came, and Millie Sues great friend, and we prayed.... God was there. I felt it all around us. First we prayed for Sue. I was able to lay hands on Sue and pray for the woman who has prayed and encouraged me for years. I just felt God all around us, and I felt him lifting Sue up. There was definitely a light there in Sue's eyes. There was joy there, and love all around. I was able to have a moment with Sue that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do. I so often do not tell people in person how I feel about them, because it is soooo hard for me. I can write it, but to say it out loud with that person looking into my eyes is extremely difficult. But I, with lots of help from the Lord, told Sue what she has always meant to me. I told her that I knew she has been praying for me, and that her prayer and influence has been strong in my life. Sue said she has been praying, and that she loves me. I just wanted her to know how much she has meant to me over the years. It was a short exchange, but one I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I also watched Karen going through so much, and with more strength than she knows she has. I knew this was hard. I know Karen feels that she is not equipped, but to witness all that Karen has been facing for the past month, well there is no words worthy enough. I have so much love and respect for Karen, even more than I ever had before. Karen, you are incredible. Your mother knows it is you taking care of her. She loves you more than you can understand. And, I did see pride in her eyes of her eldest daughter. You have had to make some very incredibly hard decisions, and mostly on your own. But you aren't alone, because I saw God give you the strength when you needed it the most. And even during the most difficult time during this time that we had to face, I was honored to be there with you. I hope you know that. I know I tried to make lame jokes at times, but there was no other place I wanted to be at that very moment. I just hate that she was in pain. My heart just hurts that this is all happening and that there is nothing I can do to make things better for you. But know that I love you. I love E. I love Sue.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Well, I'm off to do a lot of what you see here in this pic of Karen.....don't shoot me! I plan on leaving tomorrow morning if the snow we are suppose to get is not too bad. Please pray that it isn't, and I can get there safely and at a decent time. I haven't been home for Thanksgiving in about 10 years, so you know you and Sue are very important! I am thankful to be able to get to spend some time with Sue and the Klasi family. My mom is also coming to hang out with us, and hopefully I will see my brother at some point. Carey might be coming too! I pray with all my heart that Sue knows how much she is loved by everyone who knows her. I can't wait to be just be with my best friend and her mommy.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

For Karen
John 14:1
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me(Jesus).
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

The new Hot Cocoa Kisses, are my new favorites! Yum, just had to share.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Assignment #2

This last weekend, I decided to go check out a local Coffee shop in Old Colorado City, called My Daughter's Deli and Espresso Bar. I got myself a Pumpkin Spice Latte, and sat down to take notes. It was a quaint place, but a little too small and narrow for me. There is no outside seating, and the tables line up against one side of the place straight down to the other end. It felt a little like a cafeteria setting to me. It wasn't cozy. They did have a few antiques, and nice art from local artists. I was able to think of a lot of things that I would do better with my own place, and things I wouldn't do at all. So, it was a good first visit. I also got some tips from colleagues of mine about resources I could check out. Apparently, there is an organization that helps women get grants for new business set up. Definitely going to check that out. I haven't started writing out the business plan yet, but I would like to start it hopefully this weekend. Keep praying that doors open for me. As hard as I try, I can't seem to stop thinking about this dream of mine.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

In the spirit already? I don't know, maybe I am just in a buying mood, but when I saw the Hershey's Candy Cane Kisses that DeAnn talked about last year, I had to snap them up and try them. I couldn't find them last year! They are good, but white chocolate isn't usually a favorite for me, but they are not bad. I think next time I am going to pick up the new Mint Truffle Kisses. Those might be more up my alley! I also finally got a new cell phone! I got a pink Razor! My old phone was part of my on going technology woes. It was literally falling apart in my hands a little more each day. My new phone is soooooopretty! And pink! I am such a girl. Anyway, somebody call me. I want to hear my new ring tone!:) Happy weekend!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I suck.

I keep reading, and rereading what I wrote about my dating experiences. I hate how I sound, and believe me I did not want it to sound as bad as it does. It is just really hard to explain what I really mean. No matter how I try, it sounds just as bad. I really do care more about what is on the inside than the outside, and if you look at the guys I have fallen in love with, you would know what I mean. I also know that there are more important things out there to cry about than my nonexistent love-life. So, I am sorry for what I said. I am sorry for how it sounded. I will do better at staying positive.

Monday, October 29, 2007

My List
Lists are very popular on our blogs, so I thought I would write one too.
Things that I did this weekend that were good:
1. Got my hair done and styled while drinking a glass of wine.
2. Falling asleep on the couch Friday Night:)
3. Slept in Sat. morning (9:45am).
4. Made a real breakfast.
5. Enjoyed coffee!
6. Put a payment down on my new bed frame.
7. Talked to my best friend.
8. Had a date with a 'normal' guy! They are out there!
9. Went to church.
10. Gave lady at church my email address.
11. Hiked the Incline on a beautiful day.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Baby steps towards a dream

After talking to my brother one morning this last week, my wheels started to turn. He really encouraged me to start the process towards my Coffee Shop dream. I have been basically "talking" about this with only a select few for a couple of years now. I mentioned to him that I need to look into taking some business classes, which he baulked at. There is help out there, I just need to find it. We talked about starting to write my Business Plan outline as a first step. All of my ideas are in my head swimming around. It is time to get them down on paper. So, I looked online for some help and found a great outline that tells you exactly what you need in the plan. I also found a Business Plan template, which I saved on my computer for later. I then looked on the BBB site, which had a couple of articles to help me go towards the right direction, I hope! One is Steps to Starting your own Business. The other is Looking for Sounds Financial Advice. The next order of business, once I start getting my ideas down in the outline, will be to go check out the competition. I will go to several coffee places and take notes of what I see that works, and what won't work for me. Mostly, I am just trying to not run away screaming. This is a scary idea. But I am only at the thinking stages right now. That's isn't scary, right?

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Mommy Bloggers

Have you heard of this? Moms, who blog and get paid for it. Or have you heard the term Professional Bloggers. How can I make that happen? Wouldn't it be cool to do something for fun that you do as a pastime and get paid for it? I heard about this on 60 minutes or something like that, can't remember. I really think that you writers out there, and you know who you are, should find out how you can make some money out of this bloggin thing. That is your mission for the week. Good luck! Keep me posted. Hee hee.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Ok seriously!
It is time for someone to tell me the truth. Am I destined to find a geeky guy? Are geeky guys what fit with me? Seriously! I really starting to get a complex and am strongly considering not letting anyone set me up again. Unless of course, judging from what I look like, that is the type of guy people think I belong with. It's really not that I think I belong with a hottie, but sheesh! I can't even really describe well the types of guys I have been set up with in the last year or so. So, please tell me so I can get over myself, ok? Is a guy with funny teeth, and odd shaped head, and nerdy quirks my type of guy? Or do you see me with a normal build type of guy that could hang with my friends. Or maybe just help out my self esteem and tell me the type of guy you see me with. I know I am asking right now for the superficial. I already know what I want on the inside. It's just the guys I have been set up with, including tonight, make Cody from high school look like a model. I am babbling now, I know sorry, bare with me. I am just starting to think that I am not all that pretty. You be the judge, you are my friends. I can take honesty from you. Lay it on me.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

I love this picture of the bowling ball, cuz that is how I look when I bowl a strike or end up in the gutter! This was suppose to be a funny blog about me joining our work's Bowling League. But of course in my life there always seems to be so many other things intertwined through the main story. Work for the past few weeks has been a real struggle for me. I tried to be assertive at work, but it ended up biting me in you know where. I won't go into the whole long drawn out story, it is really still exhausting for me to tell to many times. But bottom line I was met with some real ugliness. It still floors me when I get a first hand glimpse at what people are capable of. I more than made the VP of Human Resources angry with me because I tried to get something done that his department wasn't. He blew up at me through a mass email. It was awful. I can't even describe it except to say there was hatred in his words. That really took me by surprise. I have always thought of myself as someone easy to work with and get along with, and up until this point I thought I had a good working relationship with this man. But there was hatred behind his words. When I had to confront him about it, I was met with even more venom. He did not care to listen to me. He decided I was out to get him, and that was it. Our CEO was out of town that week, but I knew I would have to talk to her when she came back. She is a piece of work also. You don't want to be on her bad side. And usually she takes the side of the people she directly supervises, which is this guy. When I did meet with her, it wasn't quite as bad as I thought, although she did tell me she talked him out of resigning. She apologized for him, should have been him, but oh well. But she also defended him to some degree. The talk itself went fine, but then she went and talked to my boss. The next day, bowling day by the way, my boss told me that Noreen-CEO thought that I had rolled my eyes at her during a passed meeting, not the meeting I just had with her. I was really upset about that. One she did not address that with me when she had the chance, and two I would not ever do that! So, I had a sour taste in my mouth, and feeling pretty defeated in my job. I was really looking forward to this wacky bowling night. A chance to blow off some steam. Take a guess who was on the opposing team next to us. Noreen. There went that. I had to be on my guard the whole night and act like I was having fun. I did learn some things from all this though. I am not good at playing the politics game at work. And when I get a little confident, I can get a little big for my britches in a way. I need to humble myself a little more at work, trust God more. And remember more harm comes from gossiping and perpetuating the negative feelings. Anyway, I am hoping the next bowling game will be more fun. And I am wondering if God put Noreen there to remind me that it would have been more harmful if I would have spent my night gossiping about her. God is both funny and wise.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

My new Church

Well, today didn't go like I pictured it exactly,

but it was good just the same.

I made it to church 5 minutes later than I hoped,

despite Carey calling me this morning to make sure I was up.

Thanks Carey!

I missed the prayer portion and the divvying up of jobs.

5 minutes late!

These people don't waist anytime.

I guess I thought there was more to it because you have to be there a half an hour before the service starts.

So, hopefully lesson learn,

and I will try again.

What happened instead was,

I was standing in front of the coffee bar getting my cup filled.

A girl approached me that was in the members class with me.

We started talking.

She is very nice,

and she is a teacher also.

So, we have a lot in common.

We stood there for quite a while before going in to sit down.

Then, a man that was also in the members class with me,

came in and sat near me. He actually lived in Rapid City for the past 5 years,

but recently moved back to the Springs this year. He is not native to SD,

but we had something easy to talk about.

After church, I did not get to meet the people Pastor Pete wanted me to meet,

but instead talked for quite awhile with the guy from RC,

then I teacher that works for me who also goes to the church.

The girl I was talking to earlier also came back over.

I stayed after church for quite a while!

I usually leave immediately,

so it was really neat to stick around and actually talk to people.

Everyone I have met so far has been so genuinely nice and easy to talk to.

Is God looking out for me or what?!

To make things better,

it was also a communion Sunday.

I felt very much renewed in my faith,

and feel like I have been given a fresh new start.

I feel that this is only the beginning.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

I became a member of my new church today. This will only be the 2nd time I have done this in my life. It just feels like time. The last time I committed to a church, I had to leave it suddenly. I hope this one sticks for a real long time. It feels good. And I feel like I am starting over with God. Today, I am home.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Two steps closer.

Saturday, I attended a Members class at my church, Springs Calvary. I really feel that it is time to get up and start walking towards what I want, instead of doing what I usually do which is wait for something to happen, then wonder why nothing did. The structure of the church is very laid back, and the Pastors really rely on the congregation to make things happen. It's sort of a church for and by the people kind of thing. The pastors help to connect, but it is up to us to initiate what we want. Something, you know, is hard for me to do. I do feel led to keep walking outside my comfort level, and in order to have the Christian family I want, I am going to have to make myself a part of things. This is when I really wish I had Karen's gift of making friends and connecting to people. Not my strong suit. So, first step is the first Members class, there is another one next Saturday. Last week, I tried to find small group postings on the website, because there are none posted in the bulletins, and there are none listed in the website either. I found out from the members class that this is very much intentional based on what I described to you earlier. They want us to form our relationships and serve where we are called. So, I wasn't sure last week what to do, so I emailed one of the Pastors in hopes he could put me in touch with someone. He wrote back, Pastor Pete, and asked me to find him after church so we could talk in person. I did that today. I had to make myself stay there while he prayed with some other people, and talk to some others. I kept praying, Lord don't let me run, just keep me here. You know all I wanted to do was bolt. When I finally got to talk to him, he remembered my name. He talked to me about a few people he wanted to introduce me to, one is a single girl, the others were a couple who have a small group for people in their 30's and 40's. He explained that they didn't really do much as far as Singles Groups, but this no longer matters to me as much. I have kind of half given up looking for that for now. Right now I just want to get to know people and actually be a contributing member to my church. I use to hate the idea of even being in a Women's Group, but now I am all for it! The people he wanted to introduce me to were gone already, but he did lead me over to a lady, who I had talked to in church today already, and told me that she is another good person to connect with, because she is really involved and knows a lot of people here. She told me that if I had a heart for serving, I should come next Sunday at 9:15. That is when anyone who feels like serving in some way, comes early, they gather together, pray, and everyone decides where they want to serve, or people designate where they want you. It really is laid back like that. It is not at all structured in anyway. She said that is a great time to meet people who are more involved and may be a way to get into some small groups. Ok, so I really feel that I am heading in the right direction here. It felt good. So, pray that I can get my lazy-sleeping-in-lovin butt out of bed early enough next Sunday to make it there by 9:15. You know I am ALWAYS late for church and it starts at 9:45!

Saturday, September 22, 2007


One Year later

Now that I have my computer back, I can blog about somethings that I have been wanting to write about for a long time. I needed my pics!

This one is of Millie and Rooby in the cottage sharing the dog bed for the first time. Next is the first time Millie and Rooby actually played together. Millie has the upper hand! This one below is of

Millie's first nap in our new house with her new friend. Next, Millie's first hike!

First drink in a creek with Rooby. Here's to many more years of firsts. I love my Millie!

As you can see I have had some issues setting up the flow of this post. Hope you can follow it anyway.

I finally have my laptop back!!! Happy day!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Who gets lost in Waldo Canyon?

Give up? ME! Never thought it could happen in the 10 years that I have lived here, that I would get lost on a well traveled trail. A trail that is a loop no less! A trail that many people hike on all the time at any time of day. So, we are hiking along. I have my camel back full of water, I thought. I have Millie's new Dog-pack filled with necessities such as snacks for all of us. I had a big late breakfast, so I was full when we started at noon. At the start of the trail, we ran into lots of people. Then not long after I turned onto the loop, we ran into one person. In hindsight, this was pretty strange because of all the cars that were in the parking lot and people we saw at first. But I guess I thought maybe most people were starting off in the opposite direction, and I would run into people eventually. After that initial hiker, I saw no one. We hiked what seemed forever, when I looked around at the scenery and thought to myself that everything looked a little different than what I remember. It had been a few years since I hiked here. Then after a while later, and by the way I am out of water and have eaten most of the snacks, I saw roofs. Yes, houses. Those of you who have been to Waldo know that there are no houses that close to the trail. Before I knew it, we were in a neighborhood. I was really upset now, because my inkling that I was perhaps lost was becoming real. I walked around the neighborhood for a bit, looked around at the mountains trying to get my barrings, but I couldn't figure out where I was exactly. Was I in Manitou Springs, which is further west from where I started, or in Green Mountain Falls which is further east. By this time I was pretty frustrated. I couldn't figure out what I did, except that there were two paths a ways back and Rooby had gone one way, but I decided to go another. I prayed, but it was a slightly angry prayer because I was in this situation by myself. I was also determined to figure out what I had done. I was not going to ask anyone for help. I decided to double back and take Rooby's path from a while ago. I did that, still very upset. I was crying somewhat and talking to God about I get myself in these situations that become obvious yet again that I am here alone. I was also freaked out that I could get lost here! No one knew where I was. I had a cell phone, and there were houses so I knew I wasn't going to die or anything, it's just the fact that I was lost. While this pity party was going on in my head, I suddenly realized that I had been in a complete circle and back at the same neighborhood I was in before! I couldn't believe it! It was well after 5pm at this point. I wasn't feeling well because I didn't have food in my tummy and no water. My dogs were hot and wanted water, especially Millie who was carrying the pack. We were pooped. I was quietly sobbing, and decided I needed to find out where I was. I wasn't going to ask for help, I had given it to God reluctantly. I am not sure I was really giving up control though. Walking down a street, I saw a woman standing outside a Bed & Breakfast House. She was looking right at me, and did not look away. I tried to avoid her stare and stop crying, but she kept looking at me. I had sun glasses on, so I didn't think she could see that I was crying. But when I came up on her, she stopped me and asked me if I was ok. It was clear that I wasn't, embarrassed, I told her what happened. She told me I was in Cascade, not as far east as Green Mountain Falls, but east of where I had started. Karen, I was all the way up by the Colorado Wines Restaurant we like! She and her family gave me a water, some for my dogs too, and gave me a ride to my car! And in the course of us talking, she let it be known that she is a believer. Here I thought God had left me alone yet again, and he was no where to be found because I can't feel him! But really he was there the whole time. He took me back to that neighborhood even though I stubbornly tried to leave it and find my own way. He put someone in my path, someone in his family, to help me. I was not alone for the hundredth time! I am saying that to myself, you all know my issues. Needless to say, Millie & I were not feeling well for the rest of the night, and Rooby's feet and legs were sore. It has taken me a few days to digest all this and figure out how I feel. I wish I didn't always feel so angry with God all the time. Life is not how I want it at the moment. I just need to realize that he is there with me through it all whether I feel him or not, he's there.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Are you ready for some Broncos?!
It is finally here, Bronco season! Notice I said 'Bronco" season instead of Football season? That's because truth be told, I only watch the Broncos play. I don't have the attention span it takes to watch more than one team, and the Broncos are my team! I was so excited for opening day, and I was watching the game by myself! I got my brats on, I got my chips on, and I got my beer on! And we pulled it off, all though it was a little too close. So, say it with me....GO BRONCOS!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Hoo Hoo, hoo hoo hoo! The answer to my tech. prayers! FINALLY, I have Cable Highspeed Internet and have switched to Vonage! I belong to this world again! It is now tolerable to use the Internet at home again! I can watch utube! I can watch your video links now! And best of all.......It won't take me freakin forever to get to each of my blog sites and email sites! You guys don't know, or maybe you do, how nice this is for me. I love most of my technology again. Now for the camera.....

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Technology Woes

I am sitting her at the Library, yes I finally broke down and went to the Library! It seems that I just can't anything right when it comes to my own technology these days. My laptop has been missing in action for several months now, but is currently in the shop getting repaired hopefully! I have been using a crappy work laptop that is slower than dial-up! But I can't use that for the Internet because I have no dial tone currently, no homer phone, because I cancelled with Qwest to start up Vonage. I am trying to save money see, so I thought if you have Highspeed "dial-up", that will work just as well as DSL or Cable Broadband, right? WRONG! I don't even want to go into the small fiasco I went through just to try and download Netzero Highspeed Dial up to the slower than molasses Dell laptop I am using, so I will skip that step. But I am sure you get the picture! So, since my computer is now finally in the shop, I have started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have ordered Cable Highspeed Internet, which will be coming Wed., and I can't wait. I can't wait to get back to uploading my won pics to my blogs, telling my stories with my pictures, like when I went to the Big Horns last weekend......Oh yeah, the Big Horns. That is where I dropped my camera in the rocks near the stream we were hiking around, and broke it! Now my camera is needing to be repaired or replaced! Seriously! What is my deal? I just want my technology to be back to normal and working better than ever. Is that too much to ask? Sheesh!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Rooby & Chris will miss you.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Some of you may recall that I wrote a story not long ago about Bubba. I think I wrote about him peeing in my house before my mom and gramma got here. Bubba can drive me crazy at times. He is always under your feet, I can't tell you all the times I have tripped over him! He has also never really been potty trained. But when he looks at you with his big brown eyes...well I melt. Rooby and Bubba have been in love, literally, since they met when he was a puppy. He has also been a guest at out house numerous times. Bubba is sick now. He is losing liver function. It came on suddenly in the last couple of days. He started bloating quite a lot, and his bones are severely showing. The vet has given Bubba a month at least to live. He is only three years old! Liz, his mommy, says that the vet thinks that he must have been eating food or treats that were under the recall. Liz has been careful to stay away from the recalled food, but she has a couple of neighbors who love to feed him over the fence. She is thinking that is how he got sick. Rooby and I went to go see him today, and he really looks terrible, but sweet as ever. We will keep stopping by until he passes. That will be a hard day. I really love that dog, he is one of my own.

This was me yesterday. All I have to say is....ahhhhhh! Karen & Jen sent me a much needed B-day present, a Gift Certificate to a spa! I got an all body massage and a facial that was more like a facial massage. It was wonderful, and a good end to a stressful week. I left feeling happy and sleepy. Thank you Karen & Jen! I smell good!:)

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I want a life too!

Before I get started on my next therapy blog, I do apologize for bring anyone down. I just can't shake this all encompassing lonely feeling that has taken over my life. I just can't figure out what I am doing wrong here. I think that God wants me to be alone to be with him. Well, I am but this miserable feeling of being alone won't go away. I don't even usually feel his presence. Yesterday was my birthday, and for the first time ever, I spent it entirely alone, with the poochies of course, but you know what I mean. If it weren't for the many calls I received from friends and family far away, I would have really sunk into depression, so thank you! I took the dogs on a MUCH needed hike, if you read my last blog you would know that they haven't had much excitement. It was a great hike, and so nice to be in the mountains. Then I went home and painted my toes, and watched TV. Today, I feel the depression. It comes in waves. I read all your blogs and can't help to feel a little jealous. I want a life too. I want friends, I want a husband, and want to be fulfilled. I know no one out there has the perfect life, and I don't want perfection, I just want this horrible alone feeling to go away. What am I doing wrong? I talk to God all the time. I am going to church. I have cut out things in my life that are bad for me for the most part. I am ready for God to lead me. And yet, I remain in this holding pattern. I don't feel him. I am tired of sounding pathetic and sad. I want to write about more positive things, I really do. But nothing, out side of work is happening. On a good note, the worst of work is over for now, I can breath again. Still have a lot to do, but now at a more normal pace. Anyway, I don't want to feel like I am being punished somehow, cuz I know that is not how God works. I guess I could use your words of wisdom once again my friends.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Where in the world is Chris?

Some of you may be wondering that. I haven't been blogging much, and that includes reading every one's blogs. I have been so buried at work. This time of year is the worst for me, and it has been busy this summer, especially in the last few weeks. I'll break it down for ya. In May, we were told that there will be many changes that we would have to make sure happened because it is good for the agency. First, we were going to be changing our primary program model from Year Round to School Year. We still will have some YR's, but mostly SR. As you can imagine this effects staff paychecks. Then we were told that a number of our classroom sites were going to have to move for various reasons. We have to coordinate these moves plus license their new locations. THEN, we were told that we would be adding 7 brand new sites, each on a small budget including putting in new playgrounds, again we have to coordinate all this and license them. For the new sites, we have to order a complete classroom worth of materials. This normally takes $20,000, we were given $12,000. It is very difficult to order from scratch. You have to think of everything possible a classroom would need to meet all our Health, Fire, and Licensing requirements. I have been work on 3 moves, and licensing 3 different sites, one of which is brand new. So, the 7 new sites requires 3 staff each, so lots of hiring. This includes all the people who resigned. We do the hiring also. So, this is all bad enough. However, it is all coming to a head at the same time we have New Teacher training week, and then our annual CPCD College week when all staff comes back for more training. We do all the trainings for New Teacher, and two days worth during CPCD College. I have been spending so much time working on my classrooms, that yesterday and several nights this last week, were the only times I have had to prepare for training. I stayed at work last night until 7pm, and worked nights until 10pm, and I will be going in Sunday. So, I haven't had anytime to even read blogs! I am missing you all, and hope I can get life to slow down here soon, maybe the end of August, to be able to catch up with you all. Pray for me that I can get though this pace without cracking too much, I already have a few times! Here's to slower times.

Thursday, July 26, 2007


I was driving to work yesterday worrying about everything I had to do that day, and I was late (shocker!), when I loud whistle horn went off as I passed a semi. It wasn't a normal horn, it really sounded like a whistle! It scared me at first, then I burst out laughing when I realized it was for me! Kind of made my morning. Yeah, I still got it!

Monday, July 09, 2007


My mom and gramma left Saturday morning. we had a great time, but something odd started to take shape as a pattern, and I don't know what to think about it. My gramma has always been a talker, but I noticed that it is much more so. She talked constantly, and didn't seem to need anyone to join in the conversation with her. She was happiest when we were just nodding our heads to show we were listening. Then she started to retell stories over and over again as if this was the first time she told it. The next really bizarre thing is an incident during a day that my mom and I were suppose to buy some rose bushes for me and my brother. When we came back, we didn't get any roses cuz they didn't have the ones we wanted. Gramma asked me what kind of roses we got, and I told her we didn't get any. About an hour later, she asked me again what kind of roses we got, and I just looked at her like 'what's going on?' I told her again the story why we didn't have any. Gramma seemed confused but accepted what I said. I told mom about this, and she was alarmed too. Later that night, when I was inside, mom and gramma were talking outside and gramma asked mom again what kind of roses we got! This really scared me. She has always been so sharp even though she is 80 now, my gramma has always been in tune with what is going on around her. This really disturbed me greatly. Gramma may get under my skin quite often, but she is my gramma and she needs to always be around. I am hoping that it was just being tired from traveling and the heat. Say a prayer for my gramma.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Hard Day

I had a tough day yesterday. But not as bad as some. The first thing I did yesterday morning was go to a funeral for a 15 year old. He was the son of one of my Teacher Assistants. They don't know what caused Eric's body to shut down in the middle of the night, he just died in his sleep. The service was really beautiful. Lots of pictures of his short young life. Many of his classmates were there. He was a skateboarder, and all his friends signed a board and each of them past it around touching it before laying it on his casket. Everyone, including me who generally doesn't cry for things like funerals (you know things that matter), cried throughout the whole thing. The worst was watching his mother try to get through the service. She needed support to walk most of the time, which I can't blame her at all. I just can't wrap my brain around that kind of pain, and I think I never will. Rest in peace Eric, God has you now.

Then I came home to my house covered in puke and dog pee. One word....BUBBA! for those of you who don't know who Bubba is, he is a basset hound that I dog sit once in a while. I absolutely love Bubba, but man is he a pain in the butt! He should be house trained, but his owner put in a dog door a few months ago, and he seems to have forgotten he is house trained. I walked in and first saw pee on the dining room floor. Then more in the kitchen. More in the living room. Puke on my area rug by the door. Puke in the hall. PUKE ON MY BEDSPREAD! Puke on my bedroom floor, along with pee. And finally as a last shock, puke on the blanket that thankfully covers my couch when I am gone. Keep in mind that my mom & gramma are coming tonight, so I had a lot to get done t0 be ready. I didn't have time to take my bedspread to the laundry mat. I didn't have time to clean up puke and pee. Nor did I have time to clean it all up again this morning! Why is it that animals can't find the good places to do this like on the kitchen tile instead of on my good wood floors right in the floor board! Or puke not only on my big throw rug, but also right in the tassels! I know on the grand scheme of things, it could be worse, but man! Anyway, here's to a much better day. Hope all of you have a great 4th of July!

Friday, June 22, 2007

Oh Rooby!

Rooby is a perv! It's official. Last night at the dog park, she went to jump up on a girl wearing a very cute sundress, and pulled the whole dress up! It happened so fast I couldn't stop her. All either of us could do was laugh! Nice.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Finally I have some pics I can upload! This is one of the Rehearsal Dinner pics of Brook and Allyson. Don't they look blissful?

Here's a great pic of my 90 year old Grampa in his sombrero! We told him since he couldn't wear a Top Hat for the wedding, he could choose one of his crazy hats to wear at the reception. And he did!
The whole Wedding party, minus a MIA Bridesmaid. Not sure where she went. As you can see, Grampa is still refusing to take the hat off, and these were part of the formal pictures!

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Brook and Allyson's Wedding

First of all, I am really sorry for not writing sooner. I know I had a lot of people praying for me, and wanting to know what happened. Thank you all for your prayers, they really helped more than I can say. I would love to include a picture here. but I am not using my own computer and don't have the software for my camera to install. Must still be in a box somewhere! Hopefully I can get some pics in later.

Overall everything went really well. I was hoping that if I expressed my fears enough, they wouldn't happen. I can say that I will not be winning a million dollars or anything, unless I can get some money for pictures of my Grampa in his tux and sombrero! More on that later.

Day 1: Bridal Shower

I could not avoid a hug from Milt's wife, Judy. She just snuck it in before I could stop her. I went to shake her hand, and there it happened! Oh well. I also met the wife of the brother we never knew. Really, he is Brook's biological half brother if you want labels. His name is Jeff. Apparently Jeff connected with Milt in 2000. His wife's name is Melinda, I think (terrible with names). The shower itself went great, and afterwards a few of us went to the bar nearby to hang out. Melinda went with us. It became very apparent after a bit that Melinda is more than a little nosey and just says or asks whatever is on her mind whether it is appropriate or not. First, she would go on and on about how much she loves Milt and Judy, and how good they are to them. I am sitting right next to her, she knows I don't have a relationship with them. So, of course my guard went up. I just couldn't help feeling that she was after something. Then, she began asking me about what Milt did to me as a kid. I just looked at her, like are you for real? Allyson is sitting right across from me, and there are several people there I just met...especially her! I dodged that one, but she kept coming back to it. Then she proceeded at ask me if Milt had beat up my mom when we were little, and if my grandparents pressed charges! Again, I turned to her with my guard firmly up, and said that I didn't feel like this was an appropriate time to be talking about this, plus not to mention that I didn't know her and I don't share things like this with people I don't know. I then said that I was trying very hard to make this time about Brook and Allyson, and not about my feelings about Milt. Melinda tried to explain that she was trying to understand her husband better, and by better understanding Milt, she would be able to figure out some aspects of Jeff's personality. I am not completely buying it all. I do know, that whatever I said to her would get back to Judy in an instant. So, wasn't expecting that weirdness, but it could have been worse. Judy herself did try really hard to keep her distance minus the hug, and I appreciated that.

Day 2: Rehearsal Night

Here is when I see Milt for the first time in 14 years. It was weird honestly. He is much heftier, of course older looking. And when I heard his voice, it wasn't as deep as I remember it. It was softer. We didn't talk at all through most of the Rehearsal. He did not come up to me. No hugging. No how are you from either one of us. At one point, I am walking down with my Grampa, and he was being his usual bugger self. Grampa refused to wait for the couple ahead of us before walking, he just charged ahead! He tried to blame it on that he couldn't hear, but I know better. Anyway I was talking about what he did while we were in line waiting to go through it again. I turned towards Milt and told them that after they started walking Grampa charged right after them, which got a laugh from everyone. That was the first I sort of spoke to him. He laughed, and that was it. That really is how things went with him. We were cordial to each other. Made a few comments in one or the others general direction, that was it. I also met Jeff, the brother. That was a little weird too. He was very shy, but nice. I just wasn't sure what to say to him. Maybe I will see him again one day. Anyway, after the dinner I got in my car and drove to Brook's house. I thought I was fine. I thought I had made it through it virtually unscathed. Then I heard my two best friends voices on my voicemail asking if I was ok, and I just lost it. I cried in my car for at least a half-n-hour. I was shocked I had all that in there. I am still not sure what it means if anything. But after that, I felt so much better, and I didn't cry again over him.

Day 3: Wedding Day

Mom, Gramma and I got our nails done together. I forgot my camera when I arrived at the church, so tears there. I am hoping I get pics for everyone else cuz I have no pics of my own of the actual wedding. The wedding itself was great. Allyson and I bonded. She looked absolutely beautiful and the most calm bride I have ever seen. Brook was more on edge than she was. He made a necklace for her that day for the wedding, which being last minute, he ran into all kinds of snags, but it turned out gorgeous. I got to be the one to give it to her since he wasn't allowed to see her yet. She cried when she saw it. I gave a reading during the service, of course we had a screaming baby through the whole thing, but I kept right on going. Even Grampa behaved himself! After, we all met at the Elks where the reception was held. When I walked in, there was my Grampa wearing a sombrero hat with a Mexican blanket over his shoulder dancing up to everyone. He wouldn't take the hat off all night, including during the formal pictures! Allyson just laughed and went with it. We all just had a great time. It wasn't until the end of the night that Judy took her shot. She pulled me aside and gushed about how great it was to have met me and that I always have a place at their house. I just smiled and said that I know. Then she said she is praying for me. All I could think was, yeah I'll be praying for you too. I said thank you, and that was it. I know that sounds like a nice exchange, but something tells me not to trust this woman.

After the Reception:

Several of us hung out at the Alex Johnson Hotel where Brook and Allyson had a room. We stayed up and partied with them until 2am when the lights came on. I couldn't believe they stayed out that long! I would have been long gone if it were me, if ya know what I'm saying!;) I just love my brother so much, and it meant everything to me to share in his obvious joy. He couldn't stop grinning from when they were pronounced husband and wife on.

So, I made it through. It wasn't half bad. The only bummer is there will be no money made from any video. Everyone behaved themselves, so no good material. In the end, this was what I was hoping for, and what they deserved.

Monday, May 28, 2007

The big day is looming!
I leave tomorrow for SD. The first couple of days will be pretty noneventful, but starting Thursday night, the fun begins. I have had a pretty good sense of humor about all that is about to happen. I felt my first slight panic today actually. I prayed though, and God said I'm ready. Weird. I haven't seen the Dad in 14 years. 14 years. And by all accounts, he hasn't changed. My mom said when she saw him at my brother's graduation, he gave her an impromptu hug. He was lively, and sugary sweet. Make no mistake, it's all an act. His name is Milt, and that is what I call him. My brother's Fiance even told me that Milt told his wife that she needed to take a back seat to him during Brook's Wedding, because he was going to have all the attention. I guess his wife told Allyson this! She is another story apparently. Let me tell you all this loud and clear. THERE WILL BE NO HUGGING WITH MILT! Ok, I feel better. I know God will have a hold on me. I know I am to be calm and gracious. I will do nothing to ruin my brother's day. I will not, however, pretend that I have a relationship with Milt. Hence the NO HUGGING clause from earlier. I will treat him like an acquaintance I haven't seen in years. Nothing more.
So, the events will go like this:
Thursday Night: Bachelorette party. Judy, Milt's wife, will be there. The story on her is she is a meddler. She should be interesting. I predict that she will be talking Milt up, and pushing for a reconciliation. High school word- NOT! At my brother's graduation, Judy kept trying to help my gramma walk. Those of you that know my gramma, know that is a big no no. Judy is on my gramma's list. Did I mention gramma is coming also?:)
Friday Night: Rehearsal Dinner. This is an event put on by Milt and Judy. It was suppose to be at their house, but thankfully Brook talked them into having it at a neutral location. Judy picked the Governor's Mansion. Apparently a ritzy new place. It actually use to be the current Governor's house relocated to RC. This should show off their money. But I get to wear my very cool new Terra Verde dress! Did I mention Milt is in the wedding? Yeah, he's in the wedding.
Saturday Night: Wedding Day. This should be great except for the fact that uh...Milt's in the wedding. He was suppose to be the Best Man, but was demoted. My grampa is now the Best Man. Did I mention that Brook and Milt are currently not speaking? AND HE IS IN THE WEDDING! Then there is the reception. This is at The Elk Creek Steakhouse and Lounge. There will be drinking. Milt, an alcoholic, will be drinking. Allyson's dad, an alcoholic, will be drinking. They don't like each other. You do the math.
I love my brother. He is marrying the best girl. I truly want this day to be about them. I am writing these fears, so hopefully they won't happen. And if they do, I can laugh about it. God is with me, that is all I need. Let's just hope I can make a million dollars off the video I am going to shoot!

Monday, May 21, 2007

My perfect Day

I had the best day yesterday that I just have to share. I went to church, my new church, and was so great! There was a girl sitting by herself in front of me that introduced herself to me when we had the "greeting" time. Her name is Shana. She has been church hoping too, and seemed to like this church immediately like I did. I encouraged her to keep coming. We seemed to click, so I am hoping that she may be a future friend. At the end of the service, the church celebrated their one year anniversary. So, they had food & cake in the lobby. I decided that I was going to hang around. It helps that 2 of my teachers go to this church, so I knew that I would have someone to talk to. But at first, they weren't in the lobby. So, I got food, and prayed that someone cool would come over and talk to me, cuz you know I can't do that myself! Someone did, almost as soon as I prayed. This really cool blond greeter came over to me. She remembered me from a couple weeks ago, and started talking to me. She was really fun to talk to. She introduced me to several other people, that I talked to. And she said that she wants to start a Professional Women's Small Group soon, and wanted to keep me in mind for that! I talked to my teachers for a bit after that, met some other people, and really enjoyed myself. The consensus amongst new and regular church goers, was that this church is going places. There is such a genuine feeling here. I really believe it will explode soon. I feel fortunate to have found it so early. I think it will make it a lot easier for me to get myself embedded in the life. After church, I stopped at a neighborhood nail place and found myself getting a mani-peti before I knew it! I got my feet massaged, and was pampered. I decided to get a French Manicure/pedicure. It looks great. Maybe I will include a picture like Karen did when I get my camera back. I then went home and had lunch on my patio. My neighbor came over and handed me a beer! Very nice! After that it was to the dog park with the poochies. I even talked to a REALLY cute guy there! I managed to extend the conversation a lot longer than my norm, but Millie of course attempted to beat up his dog, so that was that. But MAN he was cute. I felt proud of myself that I made more of an effort. I hope he comes back. So, there you have it. A great day! Hope you all had a great weekend yourselves.

Friday, May 18, 2007

To up to date you:

* So, the prognosis on the laptop...not good. I had our IT person look at it this week, and it sounds like it is a faulty battery that is notoriously bad in the type of computer I have. What's worse is there was a Class Action Law suit that I could have been a part of, but didn't participate in it because at the time my computer was fine! Sucks, it wasn't a cheap laptop, and I do not have the money to replace it. So, I am going to Best Buy this weekend to yell at them and see what they or Toshiba can do for me.

* I started Golf Lessons last week, and am loving it. I found out that you can go through a Women's Clinic on Ft. Carson Army Base for only $35 for 6 weeks of lessons! I am so glad I decided to take lessons again. Last year when I did it, I just didn't feel very confident. But I actually retained quite a lot from last year and am gaining confidence. Last year, the teacher would always use me as the example of what not to do! But this year, they keep asking me if I have taken lessons before because I look like I know what I am doing a lot of the time. I'm still not a great golfer or anything, but now it seems to be clicking for me.

* Karen, E, & Trevor were here all last week, which was so great! I had friends for a week! We hiked, ate, and best of all hung out. E & I even had our own time together. He stayed over night one night. We ate pizza, watched a movie, walked the dogs, and went bowling!

* I got most of my backyard done! I had rocks put in the majority of the yard, but had an area blocked off with edging for my future flat stone patio. The dog side of the yard, I (with the help of Karen & E) put mulch down. I can finally tolerate my backyard which has been an eyesore for me since I moved in. It feels good to get something significant accomplished!

* Now I am getting ready for the big wedding! Brook graduated last weekend, so that milestone is done with and we can all consentrate on the big day. I have been tanning, growing my nails out for the mani-peti I'll be getting. Had my hair cut. Have the Bridesmade dress, and bought a cool Terra Verde dress while Karen was here for the rehearsal dinner. I am ready! I wonder if Brook is:) Anyway, his wedding is a whole new blog which I will need to do later.

* I hope everyone is doing great. I don't get much time to read blogs. But I try when I can. Write me, I miss you guys!

Friday, May 04, 2007

Technical difficulties!

Like Susan experienced, I too will be without my laptop at home for awhile. It crashed AGAIN this Wed. It did this the last time about 6 months ago. SHEESH! So, if you don't hear from me for awhile, you know why. I will try and keep up with your blogs at work when I get some free time. I just hope I get my computer back soon.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Look at this everybody, my first web pic on my blog! Thanks Karen for hookin a sista up!:)
Anyway, this blog is actually about the Pizza Hut commercials that insist on using a doorbell sound at the end of it. Millie goes nuts whenever it comes on. I'm not kidding, she is so insistent that someone is at our door, I can't get her to stop barking. Do they create these commercial spots just to drive us dog owners, such as myself, crazy? anyone?

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Forever alone?

As you have read before, I often go through this feeling of being alone every so often. I have hesitated writing about it this time, because from experience, I know people can get sick of hearing about it. Just be HAPPY already! I have even lost friends in part because of my reoccurring depression. The thing is, I have made a lot of choices in my life to not be alone. I have moved states to not be alone. I have tried to keep a bad boyfriend to not be alone. I have kept certain friends just to not be alone. But here I am anyway. Alone. I have been spending a lot of time on my own for the last couple of months. I like being on my own much of the time, but I need to have a social outlet. I need it! And I don't have that anymore except at work. But now my life consists of: work, home, work, home, etc. I do not have close friends here anymore. I am trying to find ways to make friends, but I lack the talent Karen has:). It's hard for me. Now, because I didn't want to alone, I have no family near me for support. My best friends are far away. I miss my social outlets with people that really do care about me. I love reading all my blog friends stories about their lives, but it has been making me feel so envious. I want what you guys have so much. But because I tried so hard to not be alone, it turns that alone is where I am at anyway.

Now, I know I have some great things going for me. And I do hold out hope that it won't always be this way. I try not to just sit on my butt and take it. I started going to a new church that I hope that I will get more entrenched in. Pray for me to find a way to serve. I started playing golf again, and will be taking lessons out at Ft. Carson in May, a women's clinic. Pray that I can make some friends. I keep going to the dog park, and try to talk to people. Pray that Millie stops chewing on their dogs! I have gardening to do. I now have money to work on my backyard. I have stuff going for me. I just hate that I am doing so many things alone. The joy and solitude I use to feel is fading. Ok, Before you say anything, yes I know God is with me. I am grateful for that, believe me. I think I have stopped blaming him for my aloneness. I know that he is still redirecting my life away from people who are not good for me, and eventually, I hope, towards people who are. But, why does this holding period feel like it is going to take forever! I need some boosts here my friends. I need to feel your hugs from across the Internet waves. Thank you for being there, even so far away.