Sunday, February 25, 2007
God and I have been on a stand off for quite some time. I am being very stubborn about going to church by myself, so I have not been going. Instead I listen to church radio and drink my coffee on Sunday mornings. I know I am rebelling about going to church by myself. I am soooooo tired of going to church by myself, because I HAVE to. Now, I know it is ridiculous to to not only keep from going to church for this reason, but it is also ridiculous to try and win a stand off with the Lord! But still, I keep trying. Besides the company of my poochies, I do most things alone. God knows I hate being alone all the time. But for some reason, that is my reality. I have no family here, no real close friends, no husband, no one who will go to church with me. I know, wah! I'm really tired of wahing about it too! The truth is, I am really missing God. I miss feeling close to him. I haven't felt him that much at all lately. I feel like my life is at a stand still. I know too that it would be initially a good feeling to be at church with God, but inevitably, that loneliness feeling always creeps in. Seeing all the people there with family or friends. Then there is me, solo. I hate it. I know I know, some of you are say, "well then, get your butt to church!" I know. See, I have done that, I have joined small groups, I have become a member of a church, but that empty feeling remained. Today, I got myself up to go to church, although a half-n-hour late. I was going to go. I had picked out a church I wanted to check out. I made coffee, then went to pick out my clothes. That's when I went blank. I stood in front of my closet forever looking at my clothes. I stood there, and stood there. Until it was clear that I wouldn't have time to make it to church. This was the closest I have gotten in a long time to actually getting to church. But still a no go. I wish I could get past this and just go. Why am I being so, I don't know weird about this. Oh well, maybe next time.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
I found this at Wal-Mart for $16.95! There are a couple of different ones, so you know I am going back for another one! So, if you can't tell what this really is, it's a flower pot! It will be going in my backyard this spring. I have to say that this giant cup, made me so happy today! Now I really have the Spring Fever!