I want a life too!

Before I get started on my next therapy blog, I do apologize for bring anyone down. I just can't shake this all encompassing lonely feeling that has taken over my life. I just can't figure out what I am doing wrong here. I think that God wants me to be alone to be with him. Well, I am but this miserable feeling of being alone won't go away. I don't even usually feel his presence. Yesterday was my birthday, and for the first time ever, I spent it entirely alone, with the poochies of course, but you know what I mean. If it weren't for the many calls I received from friends and family far away, I would have really sunk into depression, so thank you! I took the dogs on a MUCH needed hike, if you read my last blog you would know that they haven't had much excitement. It was a great hike, and so nice to be in the mountains. Then I went home and painted my toes, and watched TV. Today, I feel the depression. It comes in waves. I read all your blogs and can't help to feel a little jealous. I want a life too. I want friends, I want a husband, and want to be fulfilled. I know no one out there has the perfect life, and I don't want perfection, I just want this horrible alone feeling to go away. What am I doing wrong? I talk to God all the time. I am going to church. I have cut out things in my life that are bad for me for the most part. I am ready for God to lead me. And yet, I remain in this holding pattern. I don't feel him. I am tired of sounding pathetic and sad. I want to write about more positive things, I really do. But nothing, out side of work is happening. On a good note, the worst of work is over for now, I can breath again. Still have a lot to do, but now at a more normal pace. Anyway, I don't want to feel like I am being punished somehow, cuz I know that is not how God works. I guess I could use your words of wisdom once again my friends.