I haven't blogged about my job much on purpose I think. I am still not 100% sure why, but I think I can guess that I may be holding back on that because I am afraid of losing it some how. I really love what I am doing now. I love it love it love it! I am not perfect at it by any means. I deal with the 7 year gap in Special Ed everyday, but the instinct I have always had with kids is still there. The rest I am drawing on from when I was last an ECSE (Early Childhood Special Educator) for the most part, and from trainings & the classes I am taking right now. I am learning and relearning a lot right now, and I love it! I worry though, of course I do, that's who I am. I worry that HR will find a away. I worry that I will end up getting kicked out of Grad. School because of how long ago I started the program. I also worry about how people perceive me in this new role, because I left as a Supervisor (a job with status), and because of how I left. Even though many people were happy to see me back, I feel like I came back under a cloud. Most days my former life feels like a distant memory. There are moments that remind me of the cloud every so often though. Could be something simple like seeing my old desk discarded in the hall, or how someone treats me that hurts. I have been finding out who really are the people that care about me. I have been working through things one day at a time. I have to give moments like I just described to God, and each day I pray that God takes my need to show people I can do this job (my ego) out of the equation so I can do what he needs me to do with each of his kids I am working with. This has made big difference for me. I like who I am becoming. I like my role now working with teachers so much more than I ever use to. And I love each of the kids I work with:)Sunday, February 13, 2011
I haven't blogged about my job much on purpose I think. I am still not 100% sure why, but I think I can guess that I may be holding back on that because I am afraid of losing it some how. I really love what I am doing now. I love it love it love it! I am not perfect at it by any means. I deal with the 7 year gap in Special Ed everyday, but the instinct I have always had with kids is still there. The rest I am drawing on from when I was last an ECSE (Early Childhood Special Educator) for the most part, and from trainings & the classes I am taking right now. I am learning and relearning a lot right now, and I love it! I worry though, of course I do, that's who I am. I worry that HR will find a away. I worry that I will end up getting kicked out of Grad. School because of how long ago I started the program. I also worry about how people perceive me in this new role, because I left as a Supervisor (a job with status), and because of how I left. Even though many people were happy to see me back, I feel like I came back under a cloud. Most days my former life feels like a distant memory. There are moments that remind me of the cloud every so often though. Could be something simple like seeing my old desk discarded in the hall, or how someone treats me that hurts. I have been finding out who really are the people that care about me. I have been working through things one day at a time. I have to give moments like I just described to God, and each day I pray that God takes my need to show people I can do this job (my ego) out of the equation so I can do what he needs me to do with each of his kids I am working with. This has made big difference for me. I like who I am becoming. I like my role now working with teachers so much more than I ever use to. And I love each of the kids I work with:)
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5 comments:
I am proud of you. :-)
I am glad to hear all this "circling" back is helping you move forward. I love that you love your job, and who cares what anyone thinks!
I love that you love your job!:D Choosing to do what works for you and makes you happy is far more important than worrying about what others think. Easier said than done, I know. Ben has given up supervisor positions at work, only to have friends who are younger with less experience take them, not knowing that Ben turned the positions down. It is very humbling, but as these wives complain about the hours their husbands work and lack of family time they get, I am so glad that my husband chose family over work ego.:)
i love the pic you chose for this post :))
you are awesome.
Thanks everyone! People keep telling me I look happier, so I think it is working for me. Bobbi, the pic is from a picture card sequence I am working for a work basket. I have a kid with Autism that doesn't really know how to play in centers.
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