I miss my God.
God and I have been on a stand off for quite some time. I am being very stubborn about going to church by myself, so I have not been going. Instead I listen to church radio and drink my coffee on Sunday mornings. I know I am rebelling about going to church by myself. I am soooooo tired of going to church by myself, because I HAVE to. Now, I know it is ridiculous to to not only keep from going to church for this reason, but it is also ridiculous to try and win a stand off with the Lord! But still, I keep trying. Besides the company of my poochies, I do most things alone. God knows I hate being alone all the time. But for some reason, that is my reality. I have no family here, no real close friends, no husband, no one who will go to church with me. I know, wah! I'm really tired of wahing about it too! The truth is, I am really missing God. I miss feeling close to him. I haven't felt him that much at all lately. I feel like my life is at a stand still. I know too that it would be initially a good feeling to be at church with God, but inevitably, that loneliness feeling always creeps in. Seeing all the people there with family or friends. Then there is me, solo. I hate it. I know I know, some of you are say, "well then, get your butt to church!" I know. See, I have done that, I have joined small groups, I have become a member of a church, but that empty feeling remained. Today, I got myself up to go to church, although a half-n-hour late. I was going to go. I had picked out a church I wanted to check out. I made coffee, then went to pick out my clothes. That's when I went blank. I stood in front of my closet forever looking at my clothes. I stood there, and stood there. Until it was clear that I wouldn't have time to make it to church. This was the closest I have gotten in a long time to actually getting to church. But still a no go. I wish I could get past this and just go. Why am I being so, I don't know weird about this. Oh well, maybe next time.
7 comments:
You KNOW I totally understand it. I went through it, too. You also know what I think about the whole thing, so I won't lecture you here. :-) I will just say that I love you and I can't WAIT to see what God has planned for you.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I think we tend to focus on the part about God's plan for us, but forget what He requires of us in the whole deal. Don't forget that you need to seek Him with all of your heart, friend. And if you don't know how, just ASK HIM.
I have been there too, Chris. I don't know if you are looking for advice but here's my two cents...I started going to a bible study by Beth Moore about 3 years ago and it has literally changed my life. It has changed the way I think about things that happen and I know myself so much more than I ever have. If there is such a bible study, go to it or better yet, start one yourself. Her website is www.livingproof.com. There is a book with "homework" for each day and then a video to watch. I have learned so much more about God through these studies than years of going to church. I can say I have a relationship with Him. Now I go to church and see it in a different way. I worhip in a different way. My heart has changed and it has happened thru prayers and just getting to know our God more.
Check out Beth Moore and see if it interests you. I'll be praying for you my friend.
Sorry, Chris...the website is www.lproof.org. There's a ton of info.
Thanks guys, your words mean alot. Yeah,I don't need the lecture cuz I know, I give it to myself all the time. I am praying too for God to lead me. I will get there! One of these days.
chris, i miss Him too...and i have a church and a family and friends right here. missing God is way bigger than not going to church, or being alone. missing God is...well, missing GOD. i think deann's advice is right on. want to do a long-distance beth moore bible study with me???
maybe it will help us both.
Carey, I would love that! When do we get started?
oh Girls.
you know, i am pretty sure i just heard God say "i miss you guys MORE!"
more than anything, He wants you to COME. just come. all weird and imperfect, and stubborn and lonely and mad.
:) i have been there too, am sure glad i just kept going back, even when i dropped out for awhile, and wondering what the heck i was doing and not relying on how i feel but what i KNOW instead - He wants you more than you can possibly know.
will pray for a companion in Christ, Chris!
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