Oh the joys of Christmas








Christmas was pretty interesting and weird this year to say the least. There is ALWAYS some sort of drama that goes on whenever my family gets together, it is inevitable. We are all so different. My mom has two siblings, my uncle John B. and my aunt Connie. John's family is all scattered around, so there's one excuse to not come to Spearfish, G & G's (Gramma & Grampa) house. The other excuse is my Gramma is very hard to take, I'll get into that one soon. It's really too bad, because they are all pretty fun to be around. John's family likes to have fun and do things, they are low key and low drama. Connie's family, I fondly call them the rednecks of the family, are the ones that live in town. Her oldest son, Troy is different from his siblings though, he has a good head on his shoulders, but his oldest child is a hellion! His siblings, Brett & Lisa are chalk full of dysfunction and drama. Brett is an alcoholic, and Lisa also likes to drink but is generally very loud and boisterous. Connie's clan tends to show up right when it's time to eat, doesn't help at all, they bring most of the chaos with them, and leave as soon as presents are open. Then there is my family. Yes, we are the more sensitive of the families, our feelings get hurt easily, but we are also the ones that show up early, help cook and set up, serve during the meal, and help clean up at the end. Last year, we had worked hard to set everything up, and we including my Grandparents had to sit at the "kids" table, while the rest got waited on by my mom and sat where ever they wanted without a care at all. This year, we were determined to make sure there was an actual "kids" table and my Grandparents spots were clearly marked. At first, this was met with raised eyebrows and snide comments, but it worked pretty well for the most part. The problem occurred as some adults consumed LOTS of alcohol, and the child voices began to rise. Gramma has no tolerance. She snapped several times. It was very hard to take, worse than most years. I looked around at all these people that are my family. Cousins that I don't see often at all. People that the only thing I have in common with is that we are family. As the kids grow older they are also getting louder, which is great. They are kids having fun. Why is Gramma still having these big get togethers when it is so obviously hard for her to handle. She has always been a stress case, but man it is really bad now. I want to have compassion for my Gramma, I really do. She has had a hard year. Bouts of sickness, dealing with Grampa's memory loss, surgery on her wrist, shingles on one arm that is still hurting her. I want to feel bad for her, but she uses all this as a way to gain attention and keep all focus on her. She has always been this way, now she just has more ammunition to work with. She is constantly yelling at my Grampa and calling him names whether he is joking around or can't hear something or forgets something. She behaves as if he is a huge burden that only she has to bare. It's so hard to take. No one can talk to her about it, she is always right. You also can not joke with her or tease her in any way shape or form. The last night I was there, my brother & his wife, Gramma & Grampa and myself were playing cards. We were laughing and having fun. Gramma was having fun too, telling a negative story that she has told about 5 times in the last week about someone who couldn't read her mind. I made a joke, not thinking cuz we were having fun, about her story. She blew up at me. It was horrible, hateful, and ugly what she yelled at me. We were all stunned. I tried to say that I was just joking and some other things but it didn't matter, she continued screaming at me. I then told her that she cannot talk to me that way and that she was hurting me. She yelled that she was my elder and could talk to me anyway she wanted to. I then stated that I was done talking to her. She then continued on with her negative story she started out with. We finished our card game in silence. I just started crying. I trying not to be noticed but I couldn't stop it. After the game, she moved away from me and wouldn't look at me. I really didn't know what to do next. It was time for me to go home. I was still crying. Part of me wanted to scream at her or storm out in some dramatic fashion. The other part of me was trying to figure out how to show mercy. This would have been a good time for a prayer. But I often forget to lean on God when things like this come up. God heard me anyway, and he took over for me. I was making the rounds giving everyone hugs good bye. Last came Gramma. I gave her a hug, she started crying and apologized. We talked quietly for a bit. It was good, but sad. I'm glad that God did that. It just makes me sad that this is how my Gramma is living her last years. And I'm not a good enough Christian to....I don't know.

So, long long rambling story short, this will be the last Christmas we all will have together under Gramma's house. It is time for a change. Not sure what that is going to look like at this time, but I know things will never be the same, and maybe that is a good thing. Isn't family strange? They may all be strangers and dysfunctional, but you love them anyway, right?