My life, a roller-coaster.


My current job position is going away. We have been fighting this with everything we have for it not to happen for a long time now, but it is happening anyway. They will be splitting my job into three positions. Instead of being a Child Development Coordinator, that essentially does a little bit of everything, the positions will be either Supervisor, Mentor-Coach, and Early Childhood Special Educator. Right now there is 8 of us. Only a few of us work 10 months. As it stand now, there will only be one each of these positions that will be Year Round. The majority will be 10 month positions. As you can imagine this effects many of us, would mean a cut in pay for most. If I were to go for the Supervisor position, I would be doing mostly HR stuff, paperwork, handling disputes, chained to the desk, little contact with the classrooms except by phone. As a Mentor-Coach, you would help to train new teachers, or teachers who are struggling. It will be an hourly position, and minimum degree they want is an AA in Early Childhood. That is bottom of the barrel really. The Early Childhood Special Educator (ECSE) is more like I did in Denver, only I wouldn't necessarily be the one organizing and running the IEP meetings. The ECSE is really a therapist who works with the kids on IEP's and consults with their teachers. I could also do screenings, write and update goals, etc. There are 4 Supervisor positions, 1 Year Round. Also 4 Mentor-Coaches, one Year Round. And 3 ECSE's, one Year Round and already guaranteed to one person. The part that really sucks is, we all have to apply for what we want and re-interview. This wouldn't be so bad except that they are opening it up agency wide. We were first told earlier on that we would interview, get first dibs so to speak, then open it up to the agency. Now we really have to compete for a job, and are not guaranteed a position. I have been exploring the opening my coffee shop thing, but when I attended a workshop, it was clear this could take a year to two years to get off the ground. I need a job in the mean time. I really am trying not to freak out, but I lose that battle every so often. I hate not being in control. I think if I could choose the job I would most want out of the three, I would go for the ECSE job, knowing that I will have to work 10 months. Supervising is hard most of the time because you are dealing with complaints and conflicts most of the time, plus you have to be good at playing the Politics Game, something I hate. Doing ECSE is being able to go into the classroom with only that hat on, work with kids and talk to the teachers about what they are doing with these kids. I can work collaboratively with the teachers instead of dealing with all that's crappy with their jobs. Mentor-Coach would be fun, but not as secure of a job position. It would be the easiest to get rid of if they needed to. I would also not be able to live on the salary they would pay. Anyway, all this is scary. I feel that I am at a crossroads. Is it time to move home? Is there anything there for me job wise? I am looking here in the Springs, RC & Sheridan. I am also setting up a meeting with Business Counselors about my business plans. I am really praying that God opens the right doors soon, and firmly closes the ones that need to be. I have a had a lot to say this weekend, haven't I?!

It's really hard to do my new windows justice, but here is my attempt. I had all my windows replaced this week. It only took him two days to finish. I can already tell a big difference. The draft is gone! Outside noise has decreased quite a bit. They are so easy to open!! That is the best part really, since there were only 2 windows I could open before.

So, a couple Sunday's ago it was announced that they will be having a Baptism in a few weeks. I felt an immediate tug. I just felt like it was time. It is something I thought about for years, but wasn't ready to do because I feel that it is a serious statement to God that you are ready to follow him completely on his terms. Something I seem to fight quite a lot. However, in the past year, I have really felt me changing in my heart. And now that so much is happening in my life. Things that I haven't written much about, and things that I have. I just know that God wants me to surrender completely to him.

After thinking about it a few days, I called my mom, brother, and gramma and asked them if they could make the trip in a couple weeks to be here for it. I firmly decided that I don't want to go through another milestone alone. I'm not entirely sure they understood how important this thing is to me, and how could they? I talk about my faith, but not to the extent that I should. It was a full week before I had to call my mom to find out if anyone was coming. She told me that both gramma and Brook said they couldn't go. Brook has a lot going on in his life, and gramma & grampa aren't doing great at the moment. Mom was hedging whether she should go. Without saying it, I don't think she wanted to drive by herself. I know it isn't cheap either. I started to cry when mom asked if I would still do it if she didn't come. I JUST DON'T WANT TO! I am sooooooo tired of doing things on my own I could scream! Seriously. So, mom did immediately change her mind when she saw that this was important to me. But I knew nothing was written in stone. So, God and I have been doing the tug-a-war thing about doing this Baptism thing with or without people. I feel somewhat defiant about it, and I know that is the wrong way to think. I talked to mom again the other day, and she is again hedging. The baptism is going to be on May 4th, and I still have not said that I would do it officially. I also have to write a testimony, yikes! It is my choice if I read it or not, but I haven't written that either. So, here I am. At a cross roads again. Here is my Blog testimony from a while ago. I know I have to tweek it to reflect what has been going on recently. Tell me what you think.

This is what I am putting into the ground in the backyard today. I got my tax check, yippee! So, this would be my first official purchase. In case you can't tell what this is, it is the electric fence that will hopefully keep my neighbors safe from Millie. I am also hoping that it keeps the ground from digging, since all the craters are along the fence. Happy Weekend everyone!

My Millie

Millie bit the neighbor today. He was leaning up against the fence along his property, and Millie went for him. She always barks and looks ferocious whenever anyone gets near the fence, but I NEVER thought she would bite anyone! And this neighbor, of all neighbors, has been trying to make friends with her since I moved in. Lucky for us it WAS this neighbor and no one else. He is a very nice man who seems to understand dogs, and knows Millie just doesn't feel safe. Also thank goodness she only nicked him, no puncture wound. Also thank God, I just finished getting her shots up to date. I felt really bad though. I have heard of dogs getting labeled "Dangerous", and taken away from their owners, and worse.... Like I said, he was very cool about the whole thing, but I can't let this happen again. So, electric fence it is. When I get my tax check that will be the first thing I spend it on. I can't even think of the possibility of losing Millie. She really is a sweet dog. And the really weird thing is, if I let him in my fence while I am there, she will not hurt him, she would be nervous but would end up licking his hand. Oh Millie.....

Happy Birthday Rooby-Roo!

It's my first born pride & joy's 5 year old B-day today! We started off the day singing the song while she licked my face in bed. For Breakfast, she received extra yummy treats included in her usual food. And tomorrow we will be going on a hike with the weather cooperates. I'm sure a present will be involved at some point. Millie did lick her ears this morning for her present. So, thank you Rooby for 5 years of joy. I love my poopy!

So, in thinking about what I wanted to blog about this week, I really thought it was going to be a "woe-is-me" type of post. Apparently, shocker, I can only stay positive for so long before my feelings get the best of me. Nothing new or bad has happened at work. Nothing new is going on just yet with my business dream. My life is just following the status quoe like it has been for QUITE A WHILE. The reoccurring realization that I am alone right now. I know this time is for me and God to be together, and for me to grow. It just gets old and lonely sometimes. Anyway, this has been heavy on my heart again this week. Like I have said before, I go up and down with this. So, when I went to church today, it was still weighing heavily on me. So much so, that I couldn't t even tell you much of what the pastor talked about. All I kept thinking about is that I am alone in a sea of people. I was sitting by myself. I went up for communion by myself, and sat by myself to take the communion. I kept praying, when is this going to end, this profound loneliness. When will I feel connected to people in my church? When will my husband find me. Ya see, in the old days I have my friend alcohol to help me make friends. I could be more fun faster than I can now. Without my friend alcohol, I am slower to warm up to people, which gives them the impression that I don't want to know them. So, then end of church comes, and I am picking up my stuff to go, when my pastors wife, Tamera walks straight up to me to say hello, but instead asks me if I am feeling connected here. I instantly said no and started to cry. I told her that I knew it was mostly because of me and how I relate to people, and it is frustrating and hard. She talked with me for awhile, both of us crying. Then she prayed with me. When we were finished, a girl walked by, Tamera asked her to stop and talk with us. Her name is Joy, and she is close to my age. She introduced us, then had to go. Joy and I talked for awhile. She said she was feeling sad today too because they love it here, but have to leave the Springs this summer because her husband has to do his Fellowship in Ohio. She doesn't want to leave. After talking a while more, I gave her my card with my email and phone # on it. She thought it would help us both if we got some girls together and do dinner sometime. So you see what God can do? I cried all the way home because of how amazing that was. I also told my mom about it. I'm still hoping God gets his hooks into her. Have a great week everyone, and know that if I didn't have all of you in my life.....well you know. Thank you for Blogland!