So, a couple Sunday's ago it was announced that they will be having a Baptism in a few weeks. I felt an immediate tug. I just felt like it was time. It is something I thought about for years, but wasn't ready to do because I feel that it is a serious statement to God that you are ready to follow him completely on his terms. Something I seem to fight quite a lot. However, in the past year, I have really felt me changing in my heart. And now that so much is happening in my life. Things that I haven't written much about, and things that I have. I just know that God wants me to surrender completely to him.
After thinking about it a few days, I called my mom, brother, and gramma and asked them if they could make the trip in a couple weeks to be here for it. I firmly decided that I don't want to go through another milestone alone. I'm not entirely sure they understood how important this thing is to me, and how could they? I talk about my faith, but not to the extent that I should. It was a full week before I had to call my mom to find out if anyone was coming. She told me that both gramma and Brook said they couldn't go. Brook has a lot going on in his life, and gramma & grampa aren't doing great at the moment. Mom was hedging whether she should go. Without saying it, I don't think she wanted to drive by herself. I know it isn't cheap either. I started to cry when mom asked if I would still do it if she didn't come. I JUST DON'T WANT TO! I am sooooooo tired of doing things on my own I could scream! Seriously. So, mom did immediately change her mind when she saw that this was important to me. But I knew nothing was written in stone. So, God and I have been doing the tug-a-war thing about doing this Baptism thing with or without people. I feel somewhat defiant about it, and I know that is the wrong way to think. I talked to mom again the other day, and she is again hedging. The baptism is going to be on May 4th, and I still have not said that I would do it officially. I also have to write a testimony, yikes! It is my choice if I read it or not, but I haven't written that either. So, here I am. At a cross roads again. Here is my Blog testimony from a while ago. I know I have to tweek it to reflect what has been going on recently. Tell me what you think.
3 comments:
oh Chris! i know it's a struggle about the "alone" thing, but i am so happy! happy happy happy!
i remember the "tug" when i got it. it was january of 2002, it might have been more like december. i had just quit my job, and i had no idea what i was going to do with my life. but when they announced the water baptism dates at church, my heart just went "yep, going to do that."
i look back now, and i cannot believe i did it. i was "alone" i guess, but did not think to invite anybody. shoot, my parents won't even TALK about church, they are not going to understand grown people getting dunked in a tank of water!!
i still remember the feeling. the rush of warmth, the knowing that Jesus is really all that matters, the resolution in my heart that i wanted to be like Him.
thanks for bringing that back to me :) i will pray for your mom's decision.
chris, i hope you have the courage to do this. i wish i could be there!
i'll be praying for you.
My mom isn't coming.
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