7 things that I love:

1. God. I don't always put God first, but that is where he should be. Even though I fight him on most everything, he always proves he knows best.

2. Friends. My true friends have been with me a long time, and have seen me through a lot of good and bad times. I would not have gotten through these last three years with out all of you.

3. Coffee. LOVE IT!! What else can I say. I don't care about the negatives, coffee makes me happy, and keeps the headaches away;)

4. Family. I may have a somewhat dysfunctional family, but they have always loved me no matter what, and have always and will always be there. I think I was suppose to live away from them for a long period of time so that I can finally realize how much they mean to me.

5. Really Good Food. Let's face it, I like to eat! There isn't much I won't eat or try, even chocolate covered bacon with roasted almonds on top. Food also makes me happy.

6. Girlfriends. I can't wait to live near some really awesome girlfriends!!

7. My dogs. My dogs, starting with Rooby, opened up a whole new world for me. They are my kids, and they love me even when I lose my temper. They never hold it against me. They are so happy to see me when I come home, and I never get tired of that. They were placed in my life to help make things less lonely. Thank you #1!

Flip!!!!!
I know what I am going to do,
and I am so full of joy I can hardly stand it!
The power of prayer and some very good friends!
Thank you!

Hard Choices, big scary decisions:

I need your opinion. Work is again raising it's ugly ugly head. I'll give you a brief description then ask you to weigh in on the 2 directions I need to consider.

You all know from previous posts about work in the last couple of years that the culture has been moving away from being a family business to a something more like a cold corporate hostile environment. Last year my department was the target with the major restructuring that happened and many people feared would lose their jobs. It was a very painful process. This year the targets are other departments mainly, but HR is again flexing their power over everyone. One lady who has been with us for many years was given 3 choices yesterday. 1) Be fired. 2) Resign 3) or be demoted. As humiliating as that was, she chose to be demoted because she needs a job. She has never been under disciplinary action n the past, so...... Another very sweet nurse, also been with us for years, was written up this week with a series of several stupid silly offenses that went back to 2005! One example is she was 6 minutes late for a meeting once. The write up was clearly designed to push her out, and if she didn't go all she had to do is breath wrong, and she would be fired. She chose to retire early. Many staff, including me received write ups (serious ones) because we missed a deadline in getting a web based training completed. The training deadline was in the middle of our major training week, and classrooms had only a few days to set up their classrooms. As for me, I was DOING trainings, orienting new people, trying to get new Supervisors set, starting a new program.......We all know we screwed up by missing the deadline. I expect to be held accountable, as well as to hold my staff accountable, but the punishment in this case is very drastic and does not fit the offense. I wanted to talk with my staff, establish with them that they needed to get it done, set a date that it must be done, and document it. The next step if it was still not done is an informal write up with another deadline, and a strong message that the next time there will be a formal write up. This was not a safety issue, it does not warrant an immediate formal write up. HR wants to send a message. A message of fear in my opinion. By doing this, really what they are doing is sending a message that you can be written up and possibly terminated for any offense. So...... these are my 2 recourses as I see it. Regardless, it is time to go:
1) I resign and walk away. In resigning, I can have an exit interview with HR, which will give me the opportunity to explain why I am leaving. Problem with this is I walk away with only my last paycheck, and if HR doesn't want to let anyone know what I said, they will just bury my statement. The good thing is I can use them as a reference (which is, she was employed here at such and such dates) and I don't have the stigma of being fired. I can put my house up for sale, and leave town hoping to get a good job very soon because I will still have a mortgage. I may have to declare bankruptcy.
2) I can take a stand and refuse to have my teachers sign their PIP's (formal write up). One major reason for this is staff may not be eligible for tuition reimbursement with a PIP in their file, this includes me. PIP's never leave your file, and if HR ever wants a reason to get rid of you quickly, they already have a PIP in your file to use against you. By me refusing to sign mine or letting my teachers sign theirs, I will be seen as adversarial. Most likely I will have set myself up to be fired. The good thing about that is I am eligible for unemployment benefits, I may have a clause in my home insurance that if fired they will pay my mortgage for a time buying me time. I am looking into the insurance thing now. The bad thing(s) is I will have a very ugly battle of wills with a man who hates women with a passion. He will do everything in his power to humiliate me. Plus the fact that I was fired from an organization, respected in the state of Colorado, that I have been with for nearly 10 years. But I may have time to get my house on the market, move and get a job before I have to start paying the mortgage again.

I think my plan is to live with my mom, and find a job in RC. I am looking at selling everything, which kills me and that is very hard to explain to you all because it is just stuff. I have my 3 dogs to worry about, it is not an option to give them away, they are my family. I hate this feeling of utterly no security, but I also think God has been pushing me to go here. Complete and total surrender. The last piece of the puzzle, and the most painful for me. I think about Bobby's post about being totally obedient to God, and can I do it? Advise and prayers please.

Can you say....
PMS?
Not to minimize how I am feeling,
not at all I feel it.
However, it is more intense during this week.
I realized last night where I was in the month:)
Today was better.

I'm tired of being sad.
I'm tired of being lonely.
I just really want to go home,
but I can't.
I don't know how.

Can you say "Awkward?"??

Today, I did Coffee at church. I love doing coffee because people have to come to me and talk to me, and it is an easy exchange with the starting topic of... coffee. Anyway, it is about the only time I feel plugged in to church. But something happened today that was way out there in my book. This guy, Frank, is sort of a d0-it-all maintenance guy, came over to talk to me, and basically harass me for being late. This is a regular occurrence, because it is usually he who gets the coffee started because I am late getting there most of the time. Usually it is just a little banter then it is over, I move on to talking to others & making coffee. Today was different. He hovered today, kept coming back over to talk to me. He asked more than once of he could help me, but I really don't need another person in there, it's a tight squeeze as it is. Plus I am faster on my own. So, I politely decline each time. Then he asks me if I am a Facebook or My Space person. I tell him Fb. He asks if he can be my friend on Fb. I said sure! He said, you know I should get your number, I didn't think anything of it at first, so I gave t to him, thinking that I really do need some friends. Then he asked what things I like to do. Next, he says we should hang out sometime. I'm like, sure.... Ok, I really thought he was married this whole time I have been coming here. I knew he has 2 kids, and I thought I saw a woman with him before, but I guess I don't know anything for sure. So, the next time he came around, I checked for a ring, and was dismayed to not see one. He kept saying things like, so you think it is a good idea if we do something sometime? It started to dawn on me that he isn't looking for a "friend", he wants to date. So, about the third time he asked if I thought it was a good idea we hang out, I made myself say something. I do NOT want to lead anyone on, and you can probably guess I wasn't loving this attention from him. I said, what are you looking for, because I am just looking for friends right now. VERY awkward to say the least. He said, well yeah friends then we see what happens. He got pulled away then, and I slipped out of church as fast as I could. He called me on my way home, and apologized if he freaked me out, and said I could call him sometime. Now what am I suppose to do? I wanted to be connected at church, but this wasn't part of the plan. He is very much a part of things at church, and is at everything. This doesn't help my current feelings about going to church right now. What do I say to him??

Thanks Bobbi, that was fun!
Try it everybody. It does make me want to watch the show now. I watched the lead guy on Saturday Night Live last night, he is a really good actor and very easy on the eyes!

Man enough to attempt to play tug-o-war with Rooby!

(Pre- Groomin)

The Digby saga ends, finally! He is mine:) It was an ordeal of my making that lasted just about a month. Turns out if I would have asked for him in the first place, like before there was anyone interested in him, which there hasn't been anyone for a long time, they would have let me adopt him! This is what I let my brain do to me:

A few months back, I watched an Ellen DeGeneres episode about her adoptive dog that ended badly. She adopted a dog from a rescue place. The dog wasn't doing well with the dogs she already had, and a friend's kids started bonding with the dog. So, she decided it would be good for everyone to give the dog to her friend with the kids. Ellen didn't realize that she had broken a major rule with this particular agency. You are not to give away the dog for any reason without clearing it with the agency. So, the rescue took the dog back from the family Ellen gave him to. On the TV show, Ellen in tears, pleaded with the agency to give the dog back to the family because they had bonded, and it was Ellen who messed up and not the family. The agency never did give the dog back, instead they adopted him out to someone else. It was pretty hard to watch, and obviously made an impact on my brain. I had visions of something like this happening if I asked to keep Digby. I decided that all rescues must have rules like that, so I really thought they might take him away if I told them I wanted to adopt him, because I would then be a "Foster Failure". I knew I couldn't ever foster again, that's what I told myself. And Digby belongs to them, so what would stop them from attempting to take him back?! I know that sounds ridiculous, but this is what kept replaying in my head all summer. I thought about just keeping him and ignoring the rescue place completely when they would call me to have him come to events, but I just wouldn't be able to look God in the eye one day if I did that. I also told myself that maybe there won't be anybody wanting him, and the the agency will just forget about me & Digby. Life just can't be that simple. Pretty soon they started calling me for all kinds of events. The rescue was stepping up their marketing plans. While I was on vacation, I decided that I was just going to have to bite the bullet and find out our fate. I made up my mind to call the agency when I got home see what happens. Of course, this wasn't even going to be that easy! Before I got home from SD, I found out someone wanted to meet Digby. I really panicked then. I waited to respond, then I decided I had to go for it anyway. I emailed them, cuz I am a big fat chicken, and asked if I could adopt him. I waited for a response on pins-n-needles. They finally did write back, and what they said surprised me and filled me with dread both at the same time. They told me that they had no problem with me adopting him, however there has been a family that has been waiting to meet him, and he is still eligible for adoption per the website, so they wanted to be fair to them also. I got the feeling though, right or not, that if they met him & like him, and also wanted to keep him, I could lose him to them. Total strangers to Digby. But I had to force myself to go through with what I started despite the strong urge to be old me and selfishly stop all contact and keep him. I took him to meet the people. They were very nice people, and obviously liked Digby right away. They also knew I wanted to keep him. Despite that little tidbit, they wanted to adopt him, of course I didn't find this out for several days after the Introduction. Usually the people let the rescue know with in 24 hours if they want the dog, so I had been worried for days. Then they call me at work one day, and asked me how I felt after meeting the family about Digby going with them? I burst into tears. I didn't know what else to do. I thought this meant he was gone. I couldn't stop crying, but I managed to answer the question anyway. I told them that I did not have a bad thing to say about the family, they were nice people, and they could take care of him just fine, but that does not change how I felt about Digby. We talked for a long time, me crying the whole time! When she got off the phone with me, she said that the agency has a big decision to make, and they would get back to me soon. Ok.... Wasn't sure what that meant. Several more days past until last Friday night. I heard the best message ever!! The lady said she wanted to talk to me, and that it was good news, plus I may want to change my answering machine! I though....what? No. I include the names of my two dogs on my machine so people don't think I live alone. I called, and that is when I heard it, I get to keep my dog! She also told me that she was so surprised that I thought they wouldn't let me adopt him. Turns out I can also still be a foster parent if I want to, ha! I told her the Ellen story, and we both had a good laugh over it. I could kick myself though. This could have turned out so much easier and better had I not let my paranoia get to me! Anyway, it really doesn't matter anymore, he's mine!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL--Yqrj44A&feature=email

It's not letting me post the Ellen clip I was talking about, but you can find it on youtube. Iggy is the dog's name if you have to do a search.

( Post Groomin- why so pitiful Digby?)

Stay tuned, I do have stuff to say......................

The Incline & other hiking places helped me get in shape. I love this pic, cuz hundreds of people hike this trail, if you will, everyday and you are trespassing!

Millie & I training for the big Vaca!

Suree & I were able to play golf twice while I was home. Soooo much fun!

Janet, Kristi, Angie & me at the Firehouse. Girl's Night out before the reunion.

Cher & Suree

Suree & I

Kristi & Niki

Rock Star!

Nice Trev! BBQ fun at Karen's Dad's house.

Karen's nephew demonstrating just how big that hole really is!

Yes, this phone still works! Jamie's ancient cell phone. We had a good laugh over this.

Left!

Right!

Angie, Angie (we use to make silly tapes together), Janet & me.

Cher, Karen, Robbie (high school make-out partner) & me.

Carey & Cher

Hot girls, me, Carey & Cher

Fun day at the Waterslides! Man do I wish I had a good pic of us going down with the tubes!

The whole gang (unposed)

Janet, Suree, Carey, Cher. me & Karen (The Pose)

They can't just say cheese?:)

Karen being silly with Race, Suree's super cute boy.

As Carey put it, us closing down the fire pit at Cher's BBQ. Really, the best night ever.

I know we have all been sharing our thoughts on the Reunion, and here are mine. I put a lot of time and energy into what I thought I needed to do to get ready for the big reunion. I lost weight. I toned up as much as I could. I bought clothes, wayyyyyy too many clothes! Tanned, cut & colored hair, pedicure, and put a lot of thought on what it was going to be like. Who was I going to see? Will my high school boyfriend be there? Will people be different at this one so I can get to know a new side of them. I worried, I was beside myself with excitement, you name it I felt it. The big day itself, as some have already said was sort of a let down. No food. Had to leave for too long to get food. Dark, crowded, very difficult to carry on conversations. High school boyfriend was not there, grumpy & tired at the end. The next day was so much better. At the waterslides & Cher's BBQ with my very best friends in the whole world and their families, I was reminded what this whole thing is really about. I had so much more fun with my friends then with anything else. My friends are all remarkable people, flaws & all! My heart aches right now because we are all so far a part. While I was there, I felt like I belonged somewhere. Now.....? Anyway, I am missing you all right now and feeling a bit lost again. Thank you for all the memories!!

PS: Can't figure out why some of the pics are so far apart! Sheesh!

Say a prayer please, I just emailed AllBreed and asked them if I can keep Digby. I couldn't bring myself to call them. If they say no, I will cry.

Thank you Bobbi!!!

We love them!:)

I'm wearing mine now, and yes Karen,

I AM SWEET!

I'm on vacation! I'm on vacation! I have no worries. I can sleep in. 2 whole weeeeeeks! 2 whole weeeeks!

Finally my right eye has stopped twitching, no more stress for awhile:) I have 2 pounds left to go! Not sure I am as toned though as I was hoping to be, but you'll love me anyway, right? You'll tell me I look fabulous, right? Can't wait to see all my oldest friends in RC. See you there.

It's a sickness really. I buy cards with the best of intentions, but on the counter they sit. Of late, I have been so proud every time that I have actually bought the card a head of time! But on the counter it sits. They pile up, and pile up, and pile up. Once I wrote my mom a $500 check, put it in the card, put a stamp on it, and put it in my purse to take it to the post office. In my purse it stayed....and stayed. When I finally got it to the post office, I had to ask them to tape up the envelop because it was falling apart. Guess what came to ME in the mail almost a week and a half later? The check in a post office envelop. Mine was no where to be found. There was a note with it, "We found this in the pile of mail". A week after that they sent me the tattered pieces of envelop the check was suppose to be in, but no card. I still have not resent the check to mom. I spilled water on the cards, still didn't send them. Carey's B-day card is in this pile, so is E's. I even got a card that was so Bobbi, even though I don't know her birthday date. Why do I do this, someone tell me! Stop the sickness!!

The first pic is of Digby pre-surgery, all peppy attacking the lufa dog with gusto! Then there is the after pics of him and his cone-head. Man, that was a hard few days for him and for me. He was neutered last Friday. He came home very woozy. Often, he would take a few steps in a direction, then stop and stand in that spot forever. The second day was the worst, he was in a lot of pain whenever he moved, even with pain killers. The nights were worse than the day. He couldn't get comfortable, and whenever he would try to move or get up, he would scream...in the middle of the night, several times in the night. So, not much sleep for me all weekend. I was worried about him, because he didn't seem to be bouncing back as quickly as everyone was telling me male dogs do. What I didn't know is that since he is 2 years old and a small dog, things will feel worse for him. It took about 4 days until I finally saw some pep back in him. The first time I saw him jump around in excitement of seeing me, I could just feel my heart burst. How will I ever be able to give this dog up? He and I bonded even more through this. Taking naps together when he could get on the couch. Me rubbing his back at night to get him to finally lay down and attempt to sleep. He looks at me with these trusting brown eyes, and I love him.

Is this my Reunion Dress? What do you think of the new swimsuit??

Proud proud Auntie.

Look who's the active one now!:)

Suree's B-Day night at Cher's BBQ:)




Isn't Gramma sweet.

Father and son.

Little Turd & Grandpoop!

Gramma has a way.

It's easy to see how fast I fell in love with this little turd, called River. It's true, I did have a moment or two when I thought about not seeing him everyday that made me tear up. I really felt big love for this kid. His smell, his soft little body, how he loves to cling to me and just sleep peacefully, the way he would lean his head back, stare at me and listen to me talk to him.......I could go on. No, STILL doesn't move me to want my own kids, so if any of you are still hoping for that change, forget it! But I know I love this kid like he is my own. It was a good few days, can't wait to see him again in a few short weeks! More pics on facebook soon.

Just wanted to say that I only have 2 more pounds left to go! Brook says I don't have a double chin anymore l;ike last time he saw me.....nice! And I am up to 13 push-ups!

I am feeling a little discouraged lately. Ok, a lot discouraged. I am trying not to but I can't help it. I skipped church today because I just get so tired of sitting there by myself. As hard as I have tried, I can't seem to get myself connected there. I think it may be time to move on. I hate saying that, but I just feel so stagnate there. I love the feel of the church, and I really like the sermons, but I am lonely. I will not blame this all on the church people, it has to be me and my inept social skills. But I have tried. My social life stinks. I don't initiate calls to potential friends like I should because.......I DON'T KNOW! Of course I am terrible about calling my existing friends, sorry Carey. I keep praying for friends here, but can only find the energy to do my part once in a while. Dating continues to be depressing. I have worked long and hard on myself to be the kind of person a great guy would want to be with, but all I keep meeting are men who have more unchecked baggage that I ever even thought of having in my past. Seriously, this is what is out there girls, hold your hubbies tight will ya. And please don't tell me that I am suppose to wait for God to bring a guy to me, I am very much aware of that, and I trust that God is not going to let me be with someone I shouldn't be. I also know that God is not going to send the dude up to my door at home and knock on it, ok? I can't just sit around at home and wait. I hate feeling like this. I really want to hang on to the hope that my life will start one of these days, it just always feels like it is on the verge of starting. Ok, I am done with my rant. Thanks for listening my friends.

Just a few proud pics of my cute little nephew. I can't wait to see him next week with my own camera! Allyson says the yellow coloring is gone now, and he is already growing and changing as babies do. I can't wait to meet this little guy! Just Digby and I are taking the trip, I just can't subject the new family with ALL my rowdy dogs! I can't wait to get going!! I leave this coming Thursday, and won't be back until the 25th. Yeah!! Can ya tell I am excited?